human beings.
Human beings come in a variety of shapes, colors and sizes, but one thing they all have in common is their shared humanity. Well that and almost every one of them has a character flaw - or three.
One of the worst character flaws human beings exhibit are prejudicial beliefs regarding other human beings. For one example, there's this big flaw that many people share, even many people in this community of lefty, progressive, caring people.
Let me make it personal. What I'm talking about is that deep-seated hard to eradicate neurological malware known as prejudice. In this case, specifically the prejudicial belief system which tells me people who don't have the same skin color as I do are not as "good" as me (not as kind, not as friendly, not as honest, not as smart, et cetera, et cetera) and also not as good as those who share my sometimes pasty, sometimes pinkish complexion.
Sorry, let me be more concise:
I'm talking about the ideas we carry with us that white folks are superior to black folks (in general, certain exceptions duly noted, blah, blah, blah). Like a lot of people of whiteness, I share this character flaw. And it's a bitch to remove, unfortunately, because we live in a society that historically has perpetuated stereotypes regarding people of color. How did that happen? Why did that happen? Are white people just evil? Lazy? Stupid? Mean? Not that bright?
Maybe. Or maybe's it's more involved than that. In any case those are the questions for which I'm trying to find answers. How? Why?
Hell, when I was a snot-nosed kid (and for far too long after that) I always considered myself a good person, a nice guy. I "wasn't a racist" I told myself. I was one of the good guys. No prejudices here. But the truth of the matter is that I did buy into the stereotypes regarding people of color. I was frightened of them. I did tend to dismiss their intelligence. I wasn't a "I want to hang one from a tree until he's dead" kinda guy. I wasn't that kind of guy who tells "N" word jokes and makes everyone nervously laugh (because that's what a lot of white folks do to get along and not make waves). But yeah, I was a bigot. I just wasn't that self-aware because I was too busy patting myself on the back about what a good boy I was to notice those biases creeping into my everyday thoughts.
I'm older now, and a little more aware of my pre-existing condition when it comes to how I look at black people. I have dealt with prejudice and bigotry in other aspects of my life; first, regarding my sexuality, and now my disability. But I was lucky. I married a very smart, wise, brilliant woman who isn't burdened by being white (she's Nisei, second generation Japanese American). She taught me a lot about myself over the years by calling bullshit on my - well, on my bullshit.
However, I can't say I have eliminated all my biases entirely. It's still an evolving process. Doing these diaries is one way for me to learn more about how the prejudices I acquired from childhood on can spotted and beaten down before they cause any harm to me or to others. Not necessarily chatty little monologues like this (not that they don't help) but "serious, bear down and do the hard work and research the subject as thoroughly as possible" diaries.
But back to looking for answers to my two questions.
I've always been fascinated by history. Where did we come from, and how did we get there from here, and what happened along the way to create this present world we share? So, for me, that requires historical research on my part, especially seeking out the stories that no one told me about when I was in school and history was actually a subject we had to take, not an avocation to pursue. It means reading and examining the historical record regarding race in America, and looking beyond the meager "truths" my teachers and textbooks burned into my brain so long ago. That's the hard work that I hope is helping me become a more tolerant, less bigoted, more accepting human being.
Knowledge and information really are powerful. Facts can liberate you - from confusion, from lies, from your own baggage of negative feelings toward people who are not like you. It's something more of us should be doing, particularly those of us who are "white." It's our culture, after all, that sowed the seeds of disinformation and bias, hatred and fear, racism and oppression. It's our culture that did this shit even if we weren't the people who first shipped slaves over here from Africa, or lynched young teens for looking the wrong way at a white woman, or stopped someone from voting because they were too dark-ish.
Well too bad. It's still our responsibility to do something about it, because we own it now. That culture that allows cops to get away with killing black people, and judges sentencing them to longer sentences than whites? That culture that hurts black folks' chances of obtaining good health care, of living a longer life, and that crushes the hopes and dreams of so many regarding the chance of upward social mobility? Yeah, we do own that culture now. You and me, Mr. and Ms. White Person. It's ours. We can let things slide because we like things the way they are (because, "Hey, I got mine!"), or because we think it's someone else's problem. Or we can take responsibility - good word, responsibility - and start fixing it.
But it does help to educate yourself about the problem, before throwing out half-baked solutions. One way I've found to get me off my ass and digging into the "peculiar" history of our country's race relations is to sit down once in a while, think about what I think I know about race, and then begin to write about it.
When I do that something strange happens. As I write, I look for information - lots and lots of information ... and surprise! - I often discover new fascinating, important stuff, things I never suspected existed. I become better informed. I learn where I was wrong in my thinking. I learn how the past was worse, or at least different, than I once believed.
When I'm finished it is always a pleasure to share what I've learned. Of course, sometimes that means I write these horrendously long blog posts (like this one> and this other one that no one reads, because ...
... seriously Steve! That's just too frickin' much to take in, man! What were you thinking when you wrote those two volumes of word salad?
And yeah, I get it. I went a little nuts. But that's the point. I wasn't thinking they were too long to post to a blog. I was thinking about all this information I discovered, and how important it is to disseminate it, and how much I learned about the history of race relations in our country that I never knew before. I'm not that guy anymore who still sits around and trusts that all the lies and misinformation and just plain stupid crap that I used to believe about black people is true.
It's a lot harder to hold onto one's bigotry in a reality-based environment - well, unless you enjoy cognitive dissonance and have no bones about making denial a part of your everyday brainwashing activities. But if you aren't afraid to step out of that faded, cracked bubble you've been living in all these years, its a good feeling. No, it's a great feeling.
So when I (or anyone else) posts one of those pedantic, impossible to finish diaries, remember this: I'm just trying to get people to think critically, whether you are white or black or whatever, about race. About how the demons of our past continue to effect the present, warping our society into something that isn't nearly as color blind as so many people like to say it is. But before I can ask anyone else to think long and hard and critically about races, especially all of my fellow white Americans, I have to put in the work myself. And me being me, I do get carried away.
So, to anyone still reading this, even if you don't want to spend the time reading what I had to say in those two diaries I linked above (and I won't blame you if you want nothing to do with them), and even if you think you're not that guy (or gal female woman) who has any prejudices at all toward anyone, at least do me this favor. Every once in while think about what you think you know about how you feel regarding people of a different "race" than your own and ask yourself these questions:
What do I really know about "those people?"
Do I have any little prejudices sneaking around in the crevices of my frontal lobes?
Do my actions ever conflict with the person I tell myself I am?
How sure am I that I'm right, and that my beliefs aren't based on some smidgen of prejudice or bias or stereotypical thinking?
And then, even if you are still certain that you haven't got a racist bone in your body, do what I did. Write a diary about what you think you know, but as you do, also dive into the deep end of the ocean of history, past the shallows near the shore where the little kids wade around, and see what's out there. Challenge yourself.
So, I guess that's all I hafta say.
Later and all that goodbye stuff.