Last night we were treated to an epic smackdown as Jon Stewart exposed Fox “news” for being… well… Fox “news.” This time it was their vilification of the poor. On his show, Jon pointed to their hypocrisy, their lunacy, and what has apparently become their self-parity. Since there’s no way I could do justice to his commentary, I’m not even going to try. Instead, here’s a link to the video and you can see for yourself.
As we watch this, we are struck with how bizarre this all sounds. Who, besides Ebenezer Scrooge BEFORE that fateful December evening could possibly have such hostility for those who suffer need? With all their wars, the War on Christmas, the War on Christianity, the War on the Job Creators, you would think that, since they’re bringing Jesus into all of this, there would be a War on Poverty. After all, if there’s one thing these pundits of propaganda in their parity of pandering to the paranoid know, it’s some Jezuz! He’s their man.
So how in the world can they be so polar opposite him on this one? The red highlighted text in their gospels suggests that Jesus was rather compassionate to the poor. So what happened? When did Jesus change?
Well, it turns out that Jesus didn’t change, we’ve just been reading the wrong scriptures. I have only recently unearthed the original documents, where Jesus spoke directly to the poor, and, unfortunately, they have been mistranslated over the years, and Fox is only just getting them right.
So here are a few, in their original form according to “Jesus’ War on the Poor.”
A woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind Jesus and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
“Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”...
But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.
Then he said to her, 'Daughter, I am not a socialist. Yours is not the government’s problem, regardless that you’ve bankrupted yourself trying to get medical attention. Maybe if you’d taken better care of yourself in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this mess. If you would get up off the couch and stop bleeding and eating bon-bons, you could afford some medical help. But if you’re going to continue to mooch, then get your family to take care of you.
Now you need to pay me for your healing or I’ll take it back.”
And the woman hung her head and went home and Fox Jesus prepared for his next segment on Fox “news.”
~ Luke 8:43-48 Jesus’ War on the Poor
“Blessed are you when you insult the poor, persecute them and falsely say all kinds of evil against them. Blessed are you when you hate the poor, when you exclude them and insult them and reject them as evil because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward on Fox "news", for in the same way they persecuted the immigrants and people of color.”
~ Matthew 5:11 Jesus’ War on the Poor
And Fox Jesus said: "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets… what am I saying, do not give to the needy."
~ Matthew 6:3, Fox “news” Bible
These twelve Fox Jesus sent out with the following instructions: "Do not go among the people you disagree with. As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is for rich, white people only.' Let the sick heal themselves, threaten all those hate, cleanse yourselves from those who don’t look like you, drive out the immigrants. Freely you have received… hoard it.
“Whatever town or village you enter, divide it, polarize it, and create conflict until you leave. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, attack them. Misrepresent everything they stand for and create fear and anger until they are silenced. I am sending you out like wolves among sheep. Therefore bite like a snake and kill all innocent doves.'
~ Matthew 10:5-10, Jesus’ War on the Poor
"A city on a hill cannot be hidden, but it can be bombed. Steal their oil to light your lamp. In the same way, your Father in Heaven will reward you."
~ Matthew 5:14 Jesus’ War on the Poor