I'll answer the question I posed in my title beyond the orange squiggle but first this:
As I do every year I'm posting this diary to ask you to support me on AIDS/LifeCycle, a charity bike ride that raises money for AIDS services provided by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the Los Angeles LGBT Center.
Over the years I have raised nearly $94,000 for the SF AIDS Foundation; last year was my most successful ever; I raised $8,155. Not wishing to be overly exuberant I kept this year's goal to $7,500 thinking I should come close to that. But things haven't worked out quite as I expected them to. While donations can be received until the middle of July they don't really count in terms of the event's official goals unless they are in by May 29th, two days before the ride begins. And thus far I have raised only $4,454.75; I've managed to raise at least $5,000 every year since 2004 and I really don't want to fall short of that figure now so I guess one might say I'm starting to become a wee bit desperate.
Keep on reading and we'll get to why I keep going...and going...and going...
The following two videos will of course show you precisely where I came from. Back in 1970 David Crosby provided a very simple answer to the question I asked in my title.
Indeed I feel like I owe it to someone. Allow me to elaborate.
I'll turn 64 just a few days before we ride out from San Francisco so it seems appropriate to include this one as well:
Personal background: The AIDS epidemic has greatly affected me. I have been HIV-positive since before the acronyms "AIDS" and "HIV" were coined, in fact before virtually anyone knew there was a reason for those acronyms to exist. I tested positive for HIV in the summer of 1985 and discovered two years later (thanks to having previously participated in the clinical trials for the Hepatitis B vaccine) that I had been positive since not later than May, 1981. I'm reasonably sure that I was actually infected the previous December based on certain incidents that I can recall. (I wrote a piece about that process for World AIDS Day a few years ago.)
I am one of those fortunate individuals who has remained healthy all these years even while so many of my peers were sickening and dying. So to give you the first answer to the question I asked in my title: I'm still around. I may as well make myself useful. I can't do everything but I can do something. And what I do is ride my bike as a way of raising money for AIDS-related services. I've lost many, many friends and colleagues. My partner Mario Luna was diagnosed with AIDS in February of 1992 and passed away from AIDS-related complications in December of that year; a few months later my previous partner Bob Framo also died from AIDS. I continue to ride in order to honor the memory of those I have lost.
Institutional background:
The oldest AIDS advocacy organizations, New York's Gay Men's Health Crisis and the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, were founded within weeks of each other in the spring of 1982. Organizations like these exist because, in the early days of the AIDS epidemic there was little official support for research on HIV and next to nothing in the way of services for those living with the disease. AIDS was a disease seen as affecting mainly marginalized groups--first gay men, then Haitians and IV drug users. So community-based organizations and fundraisers were really the only option. As things progressed, AIDS service organizations have expanded their scope by lobbying for more effective treatment and for advocating on behalf of those who, in many instances, continue to suffer the stigma of an HIV diagnosis.
This spring marks the 30th anniversary of the very first AIDS charity bike ride, the San Francisco AIDS Bike-a-thon, a day-long ride which took place on April 6th, 1985. Like the early fundraisers put on by Gay Men's Health Crisis and other locally-based AIDS service providers the net amount of money raised was relatively modest ($33,000) but at the time such a figure was rather a big deal. The AIDS Bike-a-thon continued for nine more years following its debut, each year benefiting the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. As the linked article notes, it was a completely grassroots effort run entirely by San Francisco's local LGBT cycling group Different Spokes SF. At the time the event was considered successful but producing it proved to be beyond the capacity of a small volunteer organization. The final ride was produced by the equally groundbreaking organization, Project Open Hand, which pioneered daily food deliveries to people living HIV and AIDS (and now provides similar services to people with other health issues).
Around the time of the final AIDS Bike-a-thon, the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center (now known as the LA LGBT Center) approached Pallotta TeamWorks, a profit-motivated event-production company, with the idea of staging a multi-day bike ride to raise funds for the Center's recently-created Jeffrey Goodman Clinic. Goodman was a gay man who passed away from an AIDS-related illness; his parents established the clinic in his memory. The result was the California AIDS Ride (CAR), which debuted in 1994. Several hundred people, all but one of them from Los Angeles, spent a week riding from San Francisco to Los Angeles. The ride netted approximately $1,000,000; at the time this was considered very successful. The San Francisco AIDS Foundation was sufficiently impressed with the initial California AIDS Ride that they approached the Center and asked to become an additional beneficiary for the following year. By the time of my first ride in 1999, San Francisco participants had come to significantly outnumber riders from Los Angeles.
Over the course of the years following the first California AIDS Ride the event grew in size and visibility and generated increasing amounts of revenue for the beneficiaries. Pallotta attempted to replicate the event in other areas for different AIDS services with mixed results. At their height, from 1998 through 2001, there were as many as five different American AIDS Rides every year. Those original rides folded in 2002 due to a combination of factors, including general downturn in the economy in 2001 and overreach on the part of the producing entity's founder.
Back to the personal again:
The sole San Francisco participant in the initial California AIDS Ride was a man by the name of Jonathan Pon. Jonathan was one of the few riders on that first ride who was open about living with HIV. During the course of the 1995 ride he and several others from San Francisco and Los Angeles organized a group HIV-positive riders and crew and created the Positive Pedalers, the goal of which was and is to provide support and encouragement for cyclists and other ride participants living with HIV, to provide a human face for the epidemic and to combat the stigma which to this day surrounds having HIV.
This year marks the group's 20th anniversary. I'll be one of the people featured in a public service announcement marking the occasion...
One of the other co-founders of Positive Pedalers was Donald-David Fehrenbach. Donald-David (he always went by his full, hyphenated name) were gym buddies. He came back from his first ride and did his best for the next couple of years to convince me to ride with him. He also kept touting the work of Positive Pedalers, or "Pos Peds" as the group is colloquially called. I kept demurring. In the summer of 1998 I stricken with a fairly serious case of pneumonia. It was not in any way related to my HIV status but it served as a wakeup call. I became a member of Positive Pedalers that fall and shortly thereafter registered for the 1999 ride, California AIDS Ride 6. By the time I signed up for that first ride, Donald-David had also passed away. So I one more reason to ride.
Despite two serious falls during the winter (broken wrist) and spring (lost several teeth) I completed training and then successfully completed my first ride to Los Angeles. Much to my amazement I raised just over $4,000. Even more amazing, I rode every mile and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The event was in some ways entirely overwhelming. Officially the ride was capped at 2,500 riders but of course it was necessary to sign up a larger number. From 1999 to 2001 ride management overestimated the attrition rate; there were nearly 3,200 riders on the 1999 ride. And of course there was the incredible scenery, the warm welcomes we received in each town we rode through and the overwhelming sense of purpose and community (these days some of us refer to that spirit as "The Love Bubble"). More reasons to come back the following year, which I did. In addition I signed up to participate in the ride's training program, which had helped me so much to get ready for my first ride. I've continued to do so every year since.
One evening during my second year of riding a reporter from LA's KTLA was looking for people who were HIV-positive to interview. Jonathan Pon did his best to wrangle subjects for interviews. He approached me and I agreed to speak to the reporter on camera. The following evening was our final night on the road. We were camping in Ventura where typically a significant number of riders stays in a hotel or motel rather than in camp. One of my friends, walking past me, called out "Hey Bob! I saw you on the news!" And so I decided to sign up for my third ride, CAR 8 (2001). Since then I have found myself in front of a video camera more times than I can count. I joined the board of directors of Positive Pedalers. I just kept getting more and more involved.
In 2001 the Foundation and the Center terminated their relationship with Pallotta and organized their own ride, AIDS/LifeCycle, which continues to this day. The other rides folded following the 2002 demise of Pallotta TeamWorks; most were replaced by several smaller events but AIDS/LifeCycle is essentially the continuation of the original California AIDS Ride.
If you're wondering whether the ride does a good job of using the funds consider this:
At its best, the California AIDS Ride passed about 65% of its proceeds on two the two beneficiaries. Of all the AIDS Rides California's was the most successful. In 2001 the figure sunk to 50%, provoking the split which resulted in the end of the original ride. While AIDS/LifeCycle struggled early on, added experience and very careful management of expenses (without compromising the safety of participants) has greatly increased the proportion of donations that reached the intended recipients. For the last two years the ride has netted about 73% of proceeds to actual direct services to clients and to programs intended to maintain and increase awareness. I mentioned earlier that the first ride took in about $1 million. Last year's AIDS/LifeCycle raised almost $15.5 million making it by far the most successful AIDS charity event ever. So your donations are well-spent.
Over the years I have continued to ride for various reasons (apart from the loss of my friends and the need to advocate on behalf of those now living with HIV). Either it was because I wanted to keep riding every mile or because I couldn't ride every mile. I ride because the scenery is amazing and because there are so many characters gracing the ride community.
During last year's ride a long-time friend who I'd ridden with every year since 2001 suffered a completely unexpected massive heart attack. She passed away the day after the ride ended, only 41 years old. She was heterosexual and she didn't have HIV, but she was an incredible advocate for the cause.
It seems only fitting that I provide this picture of her with her husband from several years ago.
The picture below is the very last picture I took of Edna before she passed away.
In both pictures she you can see she is doing what she loves. Riding a bike, raising money to fight HIV and AIDS. I ride this year to honor her memory. Her husband will be riding as well, giving it one final try (or so he says now). It was on the fourth day of the ride that she suffered her fatal heart attack. That day's gonna be a tough one for many of us.
There were and are people who have devoted their energy to fighting HIV and the stigma that surrounds it. Some died because the government didn't care about them. Some died even though they might have lived; they simply didn't get soon enough. Some live on to continue the struggle. Some, like my friend, were lost because perhaps they gave too much of themselves.
It isn't easy to ride a bicycle from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Since last August I've logged about 1,750 miles of training. In the course of three days between last Friday and last Sunday I rode a total of 184 miles, climbed 9,500 feet and burned about 6,700 calories. Yes, I'm still a bit tired, but it's worth it. People are depending on me and on people like me.
Help me make a difference. Help me keep fighting. Help me honor those lost in the struggle. And help me do what I can to make sure that those who live with HIV are afforded more dignified lives. Follow this link and donate what you can. Your donation helps people with HIV; it also helps me do this: