I set my kitchen on fire Monday night. Well, not the whole thing, but I did have a tiny inferno on the stovetop. I call it my "Tragic Jiffy Pop Incident of 2015."
There I was, happily shaking my popper (sounds pornographic) in preparation for binging on The West Wing third season episodes featuring Mark Harmon (is pornographic, sigh), when the seam that joins the foil to the pan split. At first it was comical - popcorn was shooting everywhere and the cats were thrilled - but some fell on the burner and communicated flames to the pan.
Jump on down below the orange flame, but don't burn yourself!
Panic ensued. Quick! What did they teach us in Home Economics about using baking powder or baking soda? Oh, yeah, use soda so da fire goes out. Don't use powder as it will go pow. Oh, shit! I don't bake. Pan lid. Popper handle was in the way. Bigger pan lid. Also a fail but on a larger scale.
But wait! I have a fire extinguisher. I'm thinking that though I've never used one, we've seen them used about a million times on TV. When not being used to bonk bad guys or breaking windows for a harrowing escape, they're useful for putting out fires.
At that same time I was making plans for how I'll get the animals out safely, and having sad thoughts about canceling my date with Mark Harmon. It's amazing how a mind can multitask in an emergency.
Pull the pin, aim and shoot. It worked like a charm, but like the first time you do many things, it's a messy business. The flame retardant, also know as fire-putter-outer-stuff, went everywhere. Stove top, cabinet fronts, floor, window, nooks, crannies, everywhere. Burnt and soggy popcorn, scorched pan lids and burner grates, windowsill plants upended - you can ask Mr. Piren - I am an expert at making a mess, but this was a personal best.
So how does a person start to approach cleaning up a mess like this? By making a sandwich and watching episodes of West Wing. And I'm ok with Mark Harmon's character getting killed off, because just before he was making out with CJ.
I'm still cleaning up the kitchen.
10:44 PM PT: I reassembled the stove. None of the burners will light. I'll have to ask Eagle Keeper to drop by this weekend to take a look. He can fix F15 fighter jets, so he should be able to fix a stove. But maybe not. It's an entirely different discipline.