Rain God's spokesperson, TS Bill leads the charge for an independent Texas.
Not to be outdone, "The Rain Gods", long thought to be defunct in the Lone Star state show up the Republic of Texas by moving forward with its own brand of secessionist policy.
Tropical Storm Bill, a pro-seccesionist rain and water deity is set to make landfall and flood the shit out of Texas...in fact it may already be happening. This is after floods sapped the will of Presidential Primary Candidate Ted Cruz to maintain his grip on reality. According to factually accurate and non-satirical news site The Stately Harold, Sen. Ted Cruz blames Native American rain dances for the deadly floods, not climate change, nope not that, in fact don't even talk about "that".
In a press advisory sent out by TS Bill's public relations team, he made history by laying out the first ever platform for pushing forward with a Texas secession via statewide flooding.
"While the Republic of Texas and other so-called patriots fill the airwaves and online media with stories of militia takeovers and lame ass petition campaigns to push for secession, I have developed the only viable strategy to separate Texas from the United States. Flood the shit out of it over and over again...eventually we can all wave bye to the United States of Socialist America and Emperor Obama as we float into the Gulf of Mexico."
And as you can see, TS Bill isn't all talk. He has laid out a clear plan of action and is determined to implement Texas secession as part of his popular
"Bigger Dick foreign policy theory" which is a jab at his conservative counter-parts who he criticized for military tactics that minimized deaths of brown people in prior wars.
Here is the planned weather based secession strategy as outlined in TS Bill's policy paper released last week
Opponents of the flooding strategy cite imminent losses to open carry advocates who have recently invested millions in firepower and ammunition, needed to combat the federal government's invasion of Texas through the Jade Helm 15 training exercises.
"There is one major flaw in using flooding to separate Texas from the U.S., which for the record I support, and that is the simple fact that guns don't float..neither do bullets.", said Texas Gov. Greg Abbott.
When it rains, it pours...then it floods...again...and then Texas floats away into the Gulf of Mexico forming its own open-carry island nation-state. Governing principles of the new country are yet to be finalized but are expected to be based on a small to virtually non-existant government, where only the strong and successful survive and flourish through innovative economic practices. In preparation for the newest sea-based nation, advocates have began submitting new flag designs for consideration. Here's one of the more popular submissions by those eagerly waiting TS Bill's landfall.