Deer speech is almost inaudible. The loudest among them attain only a faint whisper.
If you enter a camping supply store early in the morning and sit near the jackets and tents, you can sometimes hear deer whisper as a barely perceptible background. Whether this is haunting by the deer or a cunning example of subliminal advertising I haven’t been able to verify.
The hushed whisper of deer can also be heard wherever moccasins are sold. This is almost certainly a haunting.
Most deer are female. The majority of those that appear male are merely masquerading as such. In mating season these “male” deer have to borrow semen from moose or other species in order to get the job done.
Most “male” deer would willingly be rid of the antlers, which they see as a crude and primitive encumbrance that only hampers social mobility.
Though they once accounted for about forty percent of the population, actual male male deer have become harder to find in recent years. The herds shun them as troublesome and uncouth; and their antlers, which grow out more fully than on “male” deer, entangle them in fences or branches, where they’re liable to fall prey to wolves, unscrupulous hunters (“Look, hun, I got a 10-pointer!”) or starvation.
In the northern US and Canada, deer go hungry every winter; they’re forced to nibble the bark off branches or nose around in the snow for frozen gleanings from the recent harvest.
As for us, I mean us in this postmodern age, whether we go camping or not, whether socially mobile or uncouth, however we may masquerade, we’re all but deer frozen in the headlights of a future that can no longer be evaded. After which the gleanings will be slim indeed.
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This and 55 other important public service announcements are now a matter of public record in Idiocy, Ltd.