Hey, y'all. I know lots and lots of Kossacks are super concerned about their health and want that lifestyle respected and reflected every day in every way, ESPECIALLY when it comes to gluten. Fortunately for all of us, a new water-product is soon to market at a healthy co-op or other crunchy store in an upscale neighborhood near you!
Introducing CLARA. No, she's not your spunky little cousin or your amazingly talented partner, CLARA is a
patented mixture of water and minerals is guaranteed gluten and additive-free while maintaining refreshing taste and comes in 100% recycled plastic bottles.
Click all pictures to embiggen and DON'T touch that sourdough starter on the way over the fold! Ouchy and yuck!
Now, I know there are skeptics out there on the gluten thing. I know lots of people are all like "Study Finds Little Difference Between Gluten-Free Foods And Regular Food", and like "Gluten Intolerance May Be Completely Fake", but I must say that I appreciate the "why" of CLARA. It makes me feel respected and not crazy in my beliefs. It's like someone is finally saying to me "Bastrop, I totally do not think this is all in your head and that you are filling a desperate need and an empty place in your soul with this gluten-free lifestyle." It's nice to have a company come along and do that that isn't an alcohol, tobacco, drug or food company. Seriously, it's appreciated.
Who are these saints of lifestyle choice respect?
Clara Water is based in Toronto, Canada with distribution centres in Toronto, Calgary, Phoenix, Los Angeles and New York. To become a distributor, email
Where does their water come from that makes it so pure? I DO NOT CARE! Because wherever it comes from, they process the hell out of it to make sure it's pure and balanced and, most importantly, gluten free!
CLARA is "currently taking orders for our June 2015 launch" so you should start calling your local health food stores and every single market under the sun and demanding they stock this water, hopefully right next to that square loaf of very pale "bread" you can't help looking at like a bad accident salvation.
So, keep your chins up and your bum off that toilet, people! CLARA is here to enable your lifestyle. Just don't even pay attention to all the haters. Like THIS awful person...
Hater.