I don't write a lot of diaries. Living as a disabled person means that I don't have a lot of energy. So it comes as a surprise even to me that I am now posting my second diary in the same week. I already posted a diary Wednesday night about my concerns with the sexism that was showing up in the comments in Eclectablog's diary. Seeing so many men (most of them long time members) display such an open level of sexism, at times, I found myself questioning how they could possibly be posting on the same site.
Well, after I posted my diary, I stayed away from the other one for a day, figuring it was likely mostly dead. I went back a little while ago just to be sure we didn't have some trolls show up, and I saw a comment that horrified me.
For anyone who hasn't read Eclactablog's diary or who doesn't want to even open a diary that has hundreds of comments in it, it discusses an encounter a black woman had during Netroots Nation with a white man. It was a terrible situation, and the woman was made to feel unsafe. Throughout the diary, many, many men made comments which ignored the fact that this man, who was much taller than her, intimidated her by walking into her private space and putting his hands on her all while arguing with her. It was a terrible situation that many of us women can identify with, which makes the comments from several of the men horrifying to me, and based on the pushback from some of the women in the diary, those comments horrified them as well.
When I went back to check the diary a little while ago, though, I saw one comment that sent a chill down my spine:
dramatic much? (1+ / 0-)
Recommended by:
Choco8
I'm sure that this man was a total jerk, but have you ever heard of the concept of "crying wolf"?
by ChuckChuckerson on Thu Jul 23, 2015 at 07:18:53 AM EDT
Now, keep in mind that neither the man who wrote that comment nor the man who recced it are new. Both have written many, many comments. One has written more diaries than I have.
Yet they both felt that an appropriate response to a woman being assaulted by a man was to literally shrug. And when a woman here tried to push back against such a horrifying comment, they felt it was appropriate to respond by implying that women "Cry wolf."
Listen, I know that this site is, first and foremost, about electing Democrats. I know that this is the season where more folks are here, tempers are starting to flare, and all that jazz. But it is not acceptable for any members of this site to be posting and supporting comments like the one above on a Democratic site. One of the most pernicious parts of rape culture is the way so many men (and some women) insinuate that there is no rape culture, that women are just making it all up. It is not acceptable for anyone to try and minimize and excuse assault because the man who committed it was a Bernie Sanders supporter. We always point to the Republican Party as the anti-women party, as the one conducting a War On Women. We should not allow men to engage in that war right here at Daily Kos. You are not my ally if you slyly imply that women just lie about the way some men treat us. I am horrified that we have an environment at this site in which these two members apparently feel it is perfectly acceptable to post a comment that is intimidating to women.
And, yes, it is intimidating to many women. If this was just my first day here and I saw that comment, I would turn the fuck around and never come back. If I was a long-time lurker considering wading into the discussion, that comment would likely lead to me remaining silent even longer, just like the awful sexism in the early years kept me from commenting until 2008. I would think that this site was not safe for women. I already know it's not, of course. I already know that we get slings and arrows of sexism shot at us every damn day. I choose to stay despite that. But this is not the only liberal space on the internet. There are plenty of sites out there that prioritize creating a safe space for liberal women that a lot of younger women are flocking to right now. So if we want MORE women to show up here, we need to make it known that comments like that are NOT acceptable. We should not allow an environment in which some men feel safe to post such horrifying comments. We should not dismiss comments like that as "just trolling." We should not remain silent about sexism like that just because the person spouting it supports the right candidate. I want to vote for Bernie Sanders. But my support for Bernie Sanders does not extend to supporting men here who want to attack my fellow sisters with suggestions that we lie when we talk about the abuse we have suffered from men.
I am committed to staying at this site and trying to make it better, but we are not going to attract many new women, especially younger women, if we do not shape the fuck up and start letting it be known that the intimidation of women at this site is not acceptable.
I know that there are some strong male allies at this site, and I am often grateful for how strong you guys go to bat for us day in and day out. But some of you men need to get your shit together and stop ignoring the sexism in your ranks. Because while I will keep on writing these diaries protesting the sexism as long as I see men intimidating women, it physically hurts me to do so. I would prefer that there be no need to do so, thanks.