I wasn't going to write a diary today, even though this is the third anniversary (do we call it an anniversary?) of my husband's sudden death. I initially wrote about it in a diary here, Today I am a Widow. Since that time, I have marked the passing of years by writing diaries. I've mentioned about how my husband was a hoarder of sorts, keeping things that could prove useful some day and buying things when they were cheap that we could use in the future. Following me below the orange rubber band collection for some more.
I spent time getting to know Freecycle, a way for people in the neighborhood to pass along unwanted items to other neighbors, because one person's junk is another person's treasure. I am still using Freecycle, and am still surprised at what people are and are not interested in getting. Today I advertised two shoe boxes of dental supplies (including forty toothbrushes) and three people were interested. Someone already came and picked them up.
At first I felt very guilty when I was giving stuff away, even if it hadn't been used by any of us. There were a lot of clothes that fit that category. I don't feel quite as guilty any more, although I do get pangs now and then. I found someone who was interested in cars and gave away a lot of auto stuff, as well as a bunch of tools. Some of them had been my father-in-law's, but no one in the family wanted them or knew how to use them. I decided finding them a suitable home would be a good idea. When someone is happy with what they are getting, then I'm happy too.
While I spent the first two years clearing out the places that I could see, now I am working on drawers and closets. I am always surprised by what I find. Anything that has sentimental value I keep, but I try not to keep things otherwise. In fact, I have warned my kids that some day they may come over and find me in a room with no furniture. If that happens, it will be because I went overboard!
I was very lucky that I didn't have to move out of my house, and could take as much time as I needed to clean things up in a way that felt right to me. I have read horror stories of how people have had to empty houses quickly after the death of close family or friends. I got rid of my husband's VCR tape and DVD movie collections because I don't watch movies. I am, however, keeping the records and CDs because I think he was much more fond of music than of movies. I am not ready to give any of those away and who knows, maybe I never will be.
I try not to dwell on being alone in a negative way, although I think if I wanted to, I could certainly make myself feel really sad. Instead, I try to remember the good stuff and take a break if it starts to get overwhelming. But this time of year, yes, it's a little harder. Thanks for reading. It always feels better to share.