It's hard to be a white man in America. Now there's a growing movement that has the courage to say it! Illegal immigration has affected my life, just so much for the worse.
When I was young I worked hard to get into a good school. And when I went to college I knew exactly what I wanted to study. I studied fruit picking. And when I got close to graduating, I was expecting one of big fruit picking firms to pick me up for a poorly paid job in onerous working conditions. Oh, how naïve was that sweet, innocent young man.
Then my dreams started to crumble. Illegal immigrants came and snatched up all the best fruit picking jobs. They undercut highly skilled white male workers with their humble acceptance of meager wages. And with their friendly demeanor and hard work ethic, there was simply no competing with them and their unfair advantages. And our very own government allowed this to happen. It's going on right under the noses of the best regulators who ever lived.
Now I, the great Nathan Jaco, am forced to work as a highly-paid programmer and data analyst for a health organization in Atlanta. I spend all day in a large air conditioned office, gaining weight because I haven't burned a single calorie all day. Sometimes, when I get home early to my expensive apartment complex that's right across the street from my job, I look out the window into the fully furnished and carefully manicured courtyard and see the hot Georgia sun beating down on the dark-skinned people that work out there and I think about what might have been if I'd have gotten the chance to work out there with them. But it wasn't meant to be. Those ungrateful bastards go home to their indigent communities with low-performing schools and don't realize how lucky they are. They took our jobs. It's hard to be a white man in America. And I'm tired of it. Now my only consolation is that I have so much free time and mental energy to write semi-autobiographical satire, which I can then end in my trademark self-referential fashion...