If he weren't such a slippery, spineless sack of nothing-burgers, one might feel a twinge of pity for Jeb! He entered the GOP race with what he thought was a lock on the nomination and why wouldn't he? He had, it seemed, it all:
Name recognition? Check. Money up the wazoo? Double check. Unthreatening, 'reasonable guy' demeanor? Check. Married to a Mexican? Seguro!
So what went wrong? Gary Legum over at Salon thinks he knows:
One of the most entertaining spectacles of this election cycle is watching Jeb! Bush try to marry his genial, moderate patrician demeanor to the kind of sneering, condescending Tea Party dialogue that, having incubated for years in right-wing media, has now burst out of the host Republican Party’s abdominal cavity to spray acid in the eyes of anyone who dares get near it. It’s the same awkward fusion Mitt Romney attempted four years ago, though no one really noticed until the general. Jeb has the decency to do it during the primaries so we’ll all have more time to enjoy watching him flail.
Jeb! is now polling at 7% and his donors are
not happy. Rich assholes may not know much, but they
do know that when they
pay for stuff, they expect to
get that stuff.
In the case of Jeb!, they've paid to put him in The White House so he can cut their taxes, provide more government ass-kissing and get the Navy to tow all pencil-necked federal regulators out to sea and sink them with gunfire.
It's not a lot to ask.
But it's starting to look like Jeb! isn't going to The White House. At the rate he's going, he'll be lucky to get to House of Pancakes. So the rich asshole donors have turned their 'asshole' dials up to '11':
Jeb Bush is entering a critical phase of his Republican presidential campaign, with top donors warning that the former Florida governor needs to demonstrate growth in the polls over the next month or face serious defections among supporters. The warnings, expressed by numerous senior GOP fundraisers in recent days, come as Bush and an allied super PAC are in the early stages of an aggressive television ad campaign they say will help erase doubts about his viability.
But Bush continues to battle against a steady decline in the polls, sinking to fifth place at just 7 percent in a national NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll released Sunday and similarly languishing in the early-voting states of Iowa and New Hampshire.
All together now...awwwwwwwwww.
Even Jeb!'s 'enthusiasts' are sounding a little squirrelly:
Given those developments, Bush “needs to get his favorables up,” said a senior GOP bundler who is backing him and requested anonymity to speak candidly. “People are looking at the stage and saying: ‘Jeb and Marco? I’m going with the new,’ ” said a top party fundraiser not aligned with a campaign. “You’re seeing people really gravitate to [Rubio] and saying, ‘Okay, we’ll buck the Bush machine.’
“What I hear everywhere when you say Jeb’s name is, ‘If you want to lose the general election, nominate Jeb,’ ” the fundraiser added.
It's
tragic, is what it is. I mean, what
more does Jeb! have to do? He got born and, erm...did I mention that he's married to a Mexican?
In an effort to staunch the bleeding, Jeb! has come up with something so supernaturally gruesome that I'm having trouble processing it:
There is a big prize being dangled to motivate fundraisers: Those who help bring in at least $50,000 by Wednesday will be invited to a “Jeb Celebration” retreat in Houston in late October that is to be attended by three generations of the Bush family, including both former presidents.
Uh-huh...
The Night of The Living Dead. Sounds swell.
Before the Sept. 16 Republican candidates’ debate at the Reagan Presidential Library, senior Bush strategists believed that he needed to improve his performance to stop a precipitous drop in polling that began shortly after Donald Trump entered the race. A more pugnacious performance — including an off-the-cuff defense of his brother prompted by an attack by Trump — was cheered by some supporters as a sign of much-needed passion.
You mean his ludicrous claim that his idiot brother 'kept us safe'? So, Jeb! is a
passionate idiot. Fabulous. Let me grab my checkbook.
But don't get me wrong: I'm not complaining. Watching Jeb! and the rest of the GOP Klown Kar drive themselves off a cliff is entertaining as hell. Please proceed, Governor; let the demolition derby continue.