Roger Stone, seen here in his famous 1622 speech to the Lizard People of Rigel 7.
Oh, c'mon.
Following the commercial success of a string of right-leaning books targeting Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton, an unlikely duo of conservative authors is set to release an exposé next month that promises tales even more scandalous and outlandish than the predecessors.
The book, “The Clintons’ War on Women,” is “the definitive exposé of Bill, Hillary, Chelsea, and their abuse of people,” according to author Roger Stone.
Well, after being unceremoniously catapulted (self-catapulted?) from the Trump campaign, Stone does have a bit of spare time on his hands. And how long can it really take to write yet another book compiling all the various conspiracy theories anyone ever dreamed up about Hillary Clinton? Or Bill Cinton? Or, um, Chelsea Clinton?
Some have floated around right-wing circles since the 1990s, such as the allegation that Hillary Clinton ordered the raid on the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, in 1993, and that Bill Clinton is not Chelsea Clinton’s biological father. [...]
Stone’s co-author, Robert Morrow, is well-known to reporters who have covered the Clintons, thanks to his tendency to flood their inboxes with incredible and incredulous fables of the couple’s alleged criminal exploits.
Wait,
that guy? Someone is letting
that guy publish a book, and Roger Stone is hitching himself to
that wagon? As one of the recipients of the mentioned steady stream of truly
amazing press releases, which can be roughly described as Fox News meets
Drunk History meets
Time Cube, this is going to be one hell of a book. To give you an idea of who Stone is teaming up with here:
Morrow has accused the Clintons of being complicit in murder and drug smuggling, and alleged that Hillary Clinton has run terror campaigns to cover up her husband’s affairs. [...]
Many of Morrow’s posts on social media, collected by the pro-Clinton group Media Matters, cannot be published here because they are lewd, graphic, and sexual in nature, especially when they involve women.
Head below the fold for more fun.
So that'd be a big-name Republican campaign operative teaming up with Clinton Time Cube guy to release a book compiling every batshit crazy chain mail sent by your unhinged relatives since the 1990s. We get all the classics: Drug smuggling! Murder! Secret lesbianism! Underground tunnels that lead directly to the kingdom of the mole people! And all of it is part of an elaborate Clinton War on Women, for some reason, because that would make a good title!
What, though, no Jade Helm? Slackers.
All right, so the obvious lesson here is that a Republican campaign operative can flit directly between managing supposedly serious campaigns (he's responsible for unleashing more than just Donald Trump on us; if anything, Trump is a step up for him) and spitting out foaming books of absolute lunacy, because when it comes right down to it there just isn't much remaining difference between the two things. And the book will probably do fairly well, or at least find its way onto the nightstands of many a moron, because Morrow does one thing very, very well, and that's accuse everyone he ever researches of being super-duper-secret-gay and a prolific murderer, and with the still-allowed-on-Fox Roger Stone there to promote the work I'm sure Fox & the Friends will make darn sure America's morons all know where they can pick up a copy.
The other lesson is, I suppose, that we're all still saps for not getting into this market ourselves. We could start the rumor right now that Jeb Bush was secretly a large gopher lab-grown for the purpose of reclaiming the presidency for the Bushes, and stupid people would pay good money to hear it. What a wasted opportunity.