I'm coming out, and it's all Caitlyn Jenner's fault.
More below the dooblydoo.
I don't keep up with the Kardashians. I don't own a television. Wait - I do own a television, it's in my storage locker. That's how much I care about reality shows and famous people in general.
But I do grocery shop and I read online, so I had guessed Caitlyn was about to come out, and was very happy for her when she did. I thought Bruce was super cool when I was a kid - asked for Wheaties (hated them!) and played Olympics with my friends in the playground and yards after his victory for years. So I was super happy for her, and willing to look past the stigma of reality television and see what she was offering on her show.
I got sucked in. She is such a newbie when it comes to trans issues - and you know what? I'm learning a lot too. I had a private transition. I hid in one of the most gender segregated communities in the world and ignored the trans world and trans issues. And that is coming to an end.
In my view, and I can only speak for myself, like I said, I had a private transition and didn't hang out with a lot of other trans people - but trans women have a much bigger barrier to leap over. And as a trans man, I have to use my newfound male privilege to speak the hell out for all of us - but particularly my sisters.
It was shockingly easy for me to transition. I had the support of the entire local gay male leather community, I had a job at a gay bar and I had a doctor who was experienced. I had the equivalent of Caitlyn's makeup and hair brigade to make me look good. I had men who went out of their way to treat me like a little brother and socialize me as a male. As a gay male, but that works for me. I never made the money that would allow me to have any surgery, but I was off the streets, able to eat and could make ends meet. I didn't have to do sex work. I passed easily once the hair started growing, despite a large chest.
Like Caitlyn, I'm an outlier. But unlike Caitlyn, I haven't been doing my share of the heavy lifting. And that is ending. She's making a public journey of her education and socialization as a woman. She's speaking up for trans kids and trans women in public because she has that platform available to her. And that's incredible, because it benefits us all, no matter the ratings.
There are general trans issues that are a struggle we all face - getting documents in order with a new name and gender, discrimination in hiring practices and housing, physical danger from being outed or not passing well. But there is an issue that trans women face that trans men don't seem to have to deal with as much - being second guessed about motivation by the general public.
No one second guesses my gender. No one misgenders me, even with my shirt off and boobs a flapping. No one questions my presence in the public showers I use, or the loo. It just doesn't happen. I'm only 5'8", I'm fat, I've had no surgery. But no one runs screaming out of the shower room when I'm brushing my teeth with my shirt off, or telling me to get out, or threatening me with violence.
Trans women on the other hand face a constant and permanent questioning of their bodies, their motivations and their sincerity. They are constantly misgendered by the public and the press. They make up the majority of victims of hate crimes against trans people, particularly trans women of colour. And it's not right.
I don't know how to stop it. I wish I did - I would do whatever it took in a heartbeat. But I do know that I can't hide any longer. I can't pretend it's not my problem, because it is. It's everyone's problem. We as a society need to get over some of our bizarre gender hangups and let people be who they are.
It's not all doom and gloom, though sometimes it feels that way. There are more and more kids growing up as themselves with support and love. There are camps for trans kids to go to in summer to be with people like themselves. There are more and more trans people in positions of power culturally, like Chaz Bono, Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, Amanda Simpson, Lana Wachowski - all people who are making cultural change just by being themselves.
I'm not going to be a culture changer on a large scale, I don't have that power. But we all have the power to make change on a smaller scale, and we have an obligation to do so when we can. So I'm done hiding. And it's all because of Caitlyn Jenner.