In a shocking new development Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was seen smiling with her eyes.
During an Iowa campaign presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was found to have a genuine smile on her face.This is an absolutely earth-shaking occurrence. As the former Secretary of State smiled with her eyes whilst allowing years to drop off her face in an unfeigned expression of joy, people were absolutely dumbfounded.
"I was completely gobsmacked," said Iowa Clinton campaign staffer Nathan Shapira, "At first I thought, 'Oh, that must be one of our volunteers.' I completely didn't recognize her."
"She kinda looks like that chick on 'Rizzoli and Isles' when she smiles," adds Iowa voter Linda Richardson, "Not the dark-haired one, the other one. But man, she sure looks different."
The purported spontaneous expression of happiness from former Senator and First Lady Hillary Clinton has already earned its skeptics, however. "I don't think that photo is real," said Iowa voter Ben Ketcham, a self-described "undecided" voter who had attended a Clinton rally earlier that day with his wife. "I've seen pictures of Clinton smiling before. She has a creepy rictus that shows her teeth without touching her eyes. The fact that such a woman can manufacture this smile. . . . well, I'm just not buying it."
"I'm thinking photoshop," Ketcham added.
The Clinton campaign has declined to comment on the smile. "We have seen the photo," said Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook, "And we are not answering questions at this time about whether Clinton's actions regarding smiling in a joyful manner were appropriate or legal under current campaign law."
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, who has crept ahead of Clinton in the polls in recent weeks, was quick to comment. "I haven't smiled in years!" Sanders stated in a tweet. "Dammit! Who the hell can smile with the income gap between rich and poor Americans at the widest it's ever been?! Let's stop smiling and start working on increasing minimum wage!"
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump also stated in an interview that Hillary Clinton's smile was likely attributable to "her being photographed at the right time of month. Wait, she's like, 85, or something, right? Hell, I don't know. Women become invisible after the age of 28 for me."
Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush also said something, but nobody was interested.
(And yes, this article is complete satire. Except the link. The link and the picture are real.)