I have been having a very hard time ignoring this election.
I don’t want to, but to be honest, I am at my wit’s end with just about everything. I can’t look at DailyKos without the inane Sanders vs. Clinton discussions (spoiler: I’m a hardcore Hillary supporter, who isn’t going to say anymore because I don’t want to become embroiled in <-), I get ill reading news articles which refuse to call politicians (on both sides of the aisle) on their lies, but mostly I am viscerally, painfully nauseous from the candidacy of Drumpf. It’s not so much that he’s the leading Republican candidate, it’s that anyone would ever, ever vote for him to be our president.
I canvassed in almost every presidential election (and nearly every SF Mayoral election), including traveling to Colorado to go door-to-door for Obama. Elections can be energizing, doing GOTV work can make you feel inspired and part of the democratic process.
I’ll be honest, though, I am #(%$* tired. This last year, in my 40s, I got married, returned to school to teach, and am expecting my first child this October. I am tired of how hard and long all of us have fought and how few things seemed to have changed, how we are fighting the same battles over and over again (I remember being in College in 1991 and thinking that the country had turned an actual corner when Bill was elected *sigh*)...
...don’t get me wrong, I am not a defeatist. Fighting for what is right in this world, and not just fighting, but living our lives everyday as tolerant, loving, kind people maybe a chore, but it’s what allows us to sleep at night, aligning ourselves with love instead or hate, is really the ONLY “battle” in life...but it’s hard in a world that seems so mad. In a world, where there are so many people willing to line up behind a clown rallying people around prejudice and fear.
How do I explain that to my children? How do I teach them to be loving and kind in a world afraid of love and kindess? In a world full of so many hurt, fearful, ignorant people in all levels of American leadership?
I am tired of politics because it exposes so much ugliness about us, so many truths, and I would love to ignore. I am not writing this diary necessarily to share anything groundbreaking. I am #$%#% sharing it because #%%#* it, because I...because I wanted to share my exhaustion, because I wanted to...I don’t really know. I didn’t want to feel so alone anymore.
I am here on DailyKos because I have used it as a refuge for a long time from the madness, and even when this site is even too partisan for my tastes (I strongly believe that ACTUAL conservative principles and ideas have an absolutely essential place in our national conversation), it has always been a hospitable, comforting place. It’s certainly a lot funnier than RedState.
Except this whole Sanders vs. Clinton thing is kinda out of control on here. My wife likes Bernie and I love Hillary. I don’t think she’s perfect (I’ll admit that maybe that I am looking forward to having a more Machiavellian democratic president who might be able to move Congress from their intransience) but I have no problem at all voting for her. We get along because we know both candidates (despite their faults) are competent, do not rely on hateful rhetoric, and for the most part, have America’s best interests in mind.
We face a candidate from the Republican party who clearly does not, and who has a large number of supporters reveling in his populist rhetoric based on exploiting our darkest natures.
I don’t want to defend Hillary here, or even start that conversation; I just wanted to point out how much, in a season of such singular, unprecedented vitriol and animosity, it would be nice to recognize that we are all committed, passionate humans who want a world, and country, we can be proud of leaving to our children. It’s hard to be an American these days. It’s hard to be a progressive liberal, The Clash-style leftist in today’s world. It’s almost impossible to stay positive and optimistic of a country where the presidential candidate of one of our country’s political parties is Drumpf.
I still have no idea how to accept it. I still don’t know how to stay inspired and committed. I’ll be honest, as I grow older, I am somewhat disillusioned by the political world: what’s the purpose of democracy unless it can reply on informed, concerned voters? I truly think much more local now, hoping that perhaps my teaching, and even closer to home, how I treat the people in my home, can make a difference.
America, to me, has gone mad. I hope that all of us on DailyKos can acknowledge that, and continue to make a place where we, like our candidates, can recognize what we share, how we want a better world, and how we’re all humans stuck in a common mire, looking up at a constellation which seems, sadly, to drift further away.
I wrote this diary just because I wanted anyone else like me to know you’re not alone. Probably because I wanted to know that I’m not alone.