From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
I Have Nothing to Say About Netroots Nation 2016. Except…
► Getting to the host city a couple days early is great because you can drop in on the convention that's going on before Netroots Nation and snag a leftover swag bag. And if I may say, the National Organization of Unlicensed Proctologists convention had some interesting swag.
► "Añay añay añay!" to the management and staff at Mango Peruvian Cuisine for the terrific job they did hosting the DKos/Connect-Unite-Act/C&J dinner, which was attended by a hundred of us America-killing moonbats. Special shoutout to navajo and the DKos home office for organizing and sponsoring it. If you live near Mango Peruvian Cuisine on Washington Avenue, you should eat there every day for the rest of your life, and that's not just me saying that, it's other people too, including the management and staff at Mango Peruvian Cuisine.
► Local TV is saturated with Republicans running for either governor or attorney general and all trying to out-teabag each other. One of the AG guys sneers: "My opponent once defended the American Taliban. I will prosecute them!" Methinks someone needs to go back to law school and study that whole "reason why John Adams defended the British soldiers after the Boston Massacre" thing.
► The main lesson I learned about our opposition during the panels and speeches is that Republicans are bad for America because they think making us all poor and sick and miserable and stupid is good for America. PolitiFact rates this statement: Truest Fact Ever.
► It was a lower-key event this year, partially due to its proximity to the Democratic convention. But the panels were thought-provoking, the actions in which many NNers took part made headlines, and the convention's social aspect---meeting up with friends old and new---remains a big draw.
► Next year's event is in Atlanta from August 10-13. Two words: Waffle House!
Oh, and a personal message to the Marriott management: thank you so much for the free copies of The Bible and The Book of Mormon you left for us. We hope the guests who occupied the room after us enjoy the free copies of Flying Spaghetti Monster 101 and The Big Book of Atheism that we left for them.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Note: Saturday morning as I was wandering through the Marriott in St. Louis minding my own business, a man with a knife stuck in his back staggered up to me and shoved a thumb drive labeled TOP SECRET into my pocket. Then he collapsed and died, but not before gasping with his final breath, "Tell the people! They must know! Publish this online as soon as you c…..c….gack." I used a tissue to retrieve the thumb drive and throw it in the trash. People, I swear. Whatever happened to please and thank you?
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the start of the grown-ups' political convention in Philadelphia: 6
Days 'til the release of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: 12
Number of mass shootings in Australia since it clamped down on guns after a 1996 mass shooting during which 35 people were killed: 0
Minimum number of mass shootings in the gun-worshipping U.S. so far in 2016, according to The Washington Post: 11
Percent raises all Starbucks employees will be getting soon: 5%
Percent of Mainers who are supportive or neutral about the Affordable Care Act, according to a new Portland Press Herald poll: 59%
Estimated amount by which Great Britain’s exit from the European Union could push its annual GDP down, according to the European Union: 2.5%
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
I gotta see how the commenters at Breitbart.com are reacting to the Cleveland mess…
"Kick Paul Ryan out as soon as he gavels the convention to open!"
"Can't wait to see Scott Baio. Major star power."
"Don't they want more good guys with guns there? Shouldn't they allow guys with guns inside and around the whole area to make it safer? Wouldn't that be the safest place in the state? Or are they forgetting about the second amendment?"
"Look at the bright side, no McCain, Bush(s). Why cruz? He broke the pledge, cheated in every primary if there was the slightest opportunity to do so and lied constantly. For Cruz I recommend a real JOLT at the mike. Hopefully his hair will stand on end."
"It's too bad that Ryan, McConnell, Canadian Cruz and Bubbles Rubio will be speaking. Those 4 should all pack their bags and move to another country."
All together now: 1…2…3… That's amore!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Reunited
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CHEERS to flushing your own self down the terlet of history. Donald Trump announced over the weekend that whitest-living-politician Mike Pence was his VP pick, making them the first human creamsicle ever to run for the highest offices in the Executive branch. After making the announcement in front of a group of tourists who happened to be wandering by and were promised free (and very small) chicken fingers if they'd come warm some seats, Trump left Pence alone on the stage to put the press to sleep as he skittered off the stage to use the bathroom. And we all know what Trump thinks of candidates using the bathroom:
"I know where she went---it's disgusting, I don't want to talk about it," Trump said, screwing up his face, as the crowd laughed and cheered. "No, it's too disgusting. Don't say it, it's disgusting."
Meanwhile, Trump had to change his logo when it was discovered that everyone interpreted the first version as a representation of Trump humping Pence doggy-style, thus violating the GOP platform plank labeling porn as a "public health crisis." The new logo shows a representation of Trump laying side-by-side with Pence---a clear violation of Leviticus:
Their first nationally-broadcast interview was a disaster. Other than that, things couldn't have gone better.
JEERS to Point & Laugh, Day One. After the NeverTrump coup got flattened by a flyswatter, it was On With The Show! A series of Republican speakers---Scott Baio! Duck call merchant! Captain Can't Sorry Oops! General Hospital cast member! (Days of Our Lives cast members would never stump for Trump.) Racist southern senator everyone calls "The Colonel"! Rudy Noun-Verb-9/11!---marched up to the lectern last night in Cleveland and promptly beamed a clear message directly into America's living rooms: the years 2001 to 2009 never happened and Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi! Bride of Trump #3 mvingly spoke the words of Michelle Obama (to thundrous applause), and a Prozac-popping time was had by all. Oh, and one more bit of news from last night: the elderly attendee who sought treatment in the emergency bake sale tent after suffering chest pains raised enough money to buy a few shots of defibrillation to get him back on his feet. And now get ready for...…
CHEERS to Point & Laugh, Day Two. Here's today's GOP convention line-up:
Obstructionist, Birther, Teabagger, Trump spawn #1, Birther, Turtle Man, person no one's ever heard of, Dr. Stabby and his Magic Grain Pyramid, a retired general who will ask "Who am I? Why am I here?", "David Duke without the Baggage," the senator from Wisconsin who's about to lose to Russ Feingold, NRA terrorist, an LPGA golfer who is currently ranked 492nd in the world, person no one’s ever heard of #2, the Koch brothers' hand-picked Wisconsin piss-bucket attendant and failed presidential candidate, Trump spawn #2, Paul Ryan with a bag over his head, and Chris Christie will activate a confetti drop of six tons of McDonald's fries.
Oh, and the convention disorganizers say they have a secret mystery guest on the prime-time slate for Wednesday night. Our sources suggest it's the rarest of birds at this convention: someone the average American has actually heard of.
CHEERS to a rational response to an irrational party. This Republican did a similar (and longer) ad when crazy Goldwater was running in 1964. Now he's back, via the Clinton campaign, to warn against another crazy gold man:
The ad is aimed squarely at rational Republicans. They'll all view it together in a phone booth.
JEERS to good ideas gone bad. Wow---now we can run around outside and use our smartphone to find characters provided by the happy smiley funtime Pokemon company! What could "Go" wrong?
Woman discovers body while playing 'Pokémon Go'
California men fall off edge of ocean bluff while playing 'Pokemon Go'
'Pokemon Go' players find corpse in San Diego park
Pokemon Go Players Have Now Found A Third Dead Body
"What a great game," said undertakers.
CHEERS to the chain of command. 69 years ago, in 1947, President Truman signed the Presidential Succession Act, which clearly establishes who takes over if the president dies or is incapacitated. Let's see:
Vice President Biden (Excellent.)
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan [Stunned silence]
President pro tempore of the Senate Orrin Hatch [More stunned silence]
Sec. of State John Kerry (No complaints here.)
Sec. of the Treasury Jack Lew (Boring but smart---experience as Obama's chief of staff wouldn't hurt)
Sec. of Defense Ash Carter (Seems rational.)
Attorney Loretta Lynch (As the first female black president was sworn in, we’d get the answer to the question: what would it take for the entire Republican party to move to Canada?)
Bert the House Janitor (He'd clean up the town.)
Sneezy (He'd be dwarfed by current events.)
After that they just start drawing names out of Congresswoman Virginia Foxx's girdle.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 19, 2006
CHEERS to America's fallen angel. You may now add the label "Big Loser" next to Ralph Reed's name. Last night He lost his bid for the powerful Lt. Governor's seat in Georgia. Sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways...and sometimes She just uses common sense.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to high times. We can look back on it now and laugh, but we actually had a "holy shit" experience when we decided to make the trek to the top of the 630-foot (for comparison the Washington Monument is only 555) Gateway Arch in St. Louis during the Netroots Nation convention….
By "we" I mean Michael and I and our good buds and card-carrying Kossacks SanDiegoDem and Ed Tracey. First of all, the trams (more like pods) are teeny and tight, so I had to get over some claustrophobia while getting in, which I succeeded at doing with minimal fuss…
It takes about 4 minutes to get to the top, and the view is breathtaking…
But it’s very crowded and...oh, let’s say moist. So it was a bit unnerving---read: terrifying---to hear that, shortly after arriving and taking in the spectacular view (I could see Sarah Palin seeing Russia from her house), we were informed that a "highly unusual glitch" (to use the Park Service ranger's peppy words) caused a stoppage of the tram cars to “figure out what’s going on.” You could feel the growing sense of dread as time passed...minute after excruciating minute. On and on the delay went. Once-plump flesh shriveled to skin and bone. Thirst consumed our thoughts. Some wrote farewell letters to their loved ones. Others went mad and started drawing on the arch’s walls with a crayon stuck between their toes. Eventually we had to resort to cannibalism to survive.
Thankfully mechanics worked tirelessly to get the trams running again. When we arrived back down on earth, we kissed the ground and hugged the Park Rangers who greeted us with flowers and complementary snow globes. A happy ending, yes...to the scariest 20 minutes of my life.
Thanks for keeping the juice on here while we were gone. Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Behind 'Cheers and Jeers': Bill in Portland Maine's ghostwriter calls him a "sociopath"
---U.S. News
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