If you're white you can apparently just keep playing army your whole life. Where does starting Civil War 2 because you're mad at park rangers rank in in the Annals of Disproportionate Butthurt?
If I win Powerball I'm going go to work drunk and high at 2pm in pajama pants eating Doritos letting everyone know how I feel about em.
Seeing Obama with Seinfeld in a car was great but when will they give the people what they want? Biden and Dave Chappelle on hoverboards.
Random dead person: "Hi. I just died. I need to get into Heaven."
Dude working the door, not Peter, he's backstage with band snorting coke: "Bowie's here tonight. Are you on the list?"
Random dead person: "No. I just died."
Dude working the door: "You'll have to wait."
"Hello from University of Phoenix Stadium. We're playing a college championship here because we have no sense of decency or irony."