It's time for me to take a break.
I’d prided myself on my social restraint, earning myself an invitation to Courtesy Kos and no Flags (as they’re referred to, now) for just short of ten years.
Since this primary season started, I’ve earned three Hiddens.
I don’t just support Hillary Clinton as a primary candidate for the Democratic Nomination, I love her.
My long service to her last campaign, whose HQ was within commuting distance, where I spent most of my waking hours eight years ago, is an indication of this. I’m fundamentally an introvert. I don’t like people, but did the work of her campaign by making cold calls for fundraising, speaking to people anonymously and going door-to-door in Laconiia, NH during the primaries to advocate for her.
She’s more important to me than any issue is.
She’s taken the tortoise’s approach to running for the presidency.
She recognizes that she lacks her husband’s interpersonal genius and warmth, and has emphasized instead her command of the issues and her willingness to work harder than anyone else has, before.
It’s clear that she’s been working all her adult life to qualify as a viable candidate for the oval office. I don’t disagree that this makes her “ambitious,” but I don’t regard that as a disqualifier. I similarly don’t deny that she’s taken the time to earn a balance to her checking account. She’s always worried about having money available to her because it frees her to concentrate on what she cares about: equality for women, and a healthy environment for children everywhere.
I have a personal investment in Hillary Clinton. Child Protective Services intervened on my behalf when I was five, but there are severe privacy restrictions on any file they have, and my family made interstate moves a lot. As such, the frequency with which my fingers had been broken remained hidden between the records of different states.
When her office took an active interest in me as a preteen, I lied about my environment, looking to put them off so that I could continue to protect my sister. They ignored my attempts to brush them off. I was given options. While her office couldn’t see the interstate pattern of physical and psychological abuse, they had the instincts to assume that there was a problem, looking out for the welfare of my sister and me. I will never forget this interest in my welfare and I will die grateful to her for it.
I have a personal investment in Hillary Clinton and little to no patience with anyone who would diminish her work or person. As such, I have indulged in personal attacks that were inappropriate, though gratifying to me in a petty, immature way.
I’m disappointed in myself in this, and it’s time for me to limit the stimuli that have led to my inappropriate expression.