Clingin’ blingin’ bellringin’ pistolflingin’….
Commentary on the newly-formed Palin-Trump Axis of Derp from the unique perspective of the Taiwanese Animators, toned down from the actual event to make it seem less cartoonish:
America is an exceptional nation.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Note: Nobody better lay a finger on my Bitterclinger!
-
By the Numbers:
Slurping begins in 5 days!!!
Days 'til Super Bowl 50: 12
Days 'til the Low Country Oyster Festival in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina: 5
Number of guns confiscated from carry-on bags at airports in 2015, according to the TSA: 2,653
Minimum percent of those guns that were found to be loaded: 80%
Percent chance that President Obama’s recent executive orders on gun safety are constitutional, according to Attorney General Loretta Lynch: 100%
Amount of snow that fell on New York City over the weekend: 26.8”
Economic growth in China last year, down for the fifth straight year: 6.9%
-
Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
The idiots at Breitbart.com got duped by the story about the installation of an outdoor “masturbation booth” in New York City, which was just a prank:
“Disgusting. People should only do that in the privacy of their own homes.”
“no decency, this is what progresevism [sic] has brought”
“These are liberal values, Not Trump values, These will be popping up in all liberal-run cities across the country.”
“Another Democrat run utopia. I can just see the lines stretching around the block now of homeless people waiting to use this thing mistaking it for a Port-O-John (when they're not just out there defecating in the streets that is). This IS New York.”
All together now: 1…2…3… Classy!
-
Puppy Pic of the Day:
-
“Take us to warp speed, Mr. Sulu!”
CHEERS to conversing in the cornfields. Drake University was the site of last night’s Democratic “Town Hall.” (Don’t you dare call it a debate or Debbie Wasserman-Schultz will come to your house and go stark-raving mad on your furniture with a lightsaber.) One-by-one the candidates made their points and got in their shots as the caucus clock (“clauck”?) tick-tocked down to---as of this morning---6 days. In short: Bernie was Bernie, Hillary was Hillary and Martin was Martin. I doubt many minds were changed, so now it’s just a matter of sprinting to Monday’s finish line without saying or doing anything incredibly stupid. Y’know…so they won’t be confused with Republicans.
JEERS to orcs vs. orcs. Meanwhile, on the other side of the looking glass, the top radical right-wing candidates are assembling their cheerleader squads. Here’s how it’s shaping up:
For Donald Trump: Sarah Palin, Bob Dole, Ann Coulter, Breitbart.com
For Ted Cruz: Glenn Beck, Rick Perry, Duck Dynasty Guy, National Review
Amazingly, that’s not a Mad Lib I just filled out.
JEERS to the cringe heard around the world. On January 26, 1998, President Clinton spoke the immortal words: "I want to say one thing to the American people: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." He was, of course, lying like a bearskin rug on which one might have sexual relations. But in fairness, Ken Starr's investigation clearly showed that the Oval Office blow jobs were official business. Clinton was just practicing for his upcoming budget negotiations with Congress.
CHEERS to friends in high places. Roe v. Wade Day was Friday, and the Supreme Court has delivered a timely gift to those who support keeping the government out of their personal health care decisions:
North Dakota will not be able to enforce a law that would prohibit abortions when a fetal heartbeat is detected, or as soon as six weeks into pregnancy. On Monday, the Supreme Court declined to hear the state's appeal, just a week after rejecting Arkansas's appeal of their similar strict anti-abortion law.
Both laws were previously struck down as unconstitutional by the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals. That decision, made by a unanimous three-judge panel---all three of which were appointed by President George W. Bush---will now stand.
And this just in: after hearing about the rulings, the meddling conservative mouth-breathers suddenly turned pro-choice. (To rant, to fume, to condemn, to snarl, to grind their teeth, to clutch their pearls, to threaten violence, to thump their Bibles...gosh, so many choices.)
P.S. Late yesterday came word that Texas Governor Greg Abbott's investigation of Planned Parenthood, which he fully expected would lead to indictments of the group, instead led to indictments of the people in charge of editing those bogus videos. Today every conservative who joined in the PP witch hunt looks petty, dishonest and vindictive. In other words, same as they did yesterday.
CHEERS to old soldiers. Today is General Douglas MacArthur's 136th birthday. After destroying the Japanese forces during World War II, he gained their respect as Military Governor of Japan, but then he became too much of a loose cannon over Korea and got fired by President Harry Truman. Afterward...
So good at stagecraft he coulda been a Broadway director.
There was an unsuccessful attempt by Republicans to have him run for President in 1952, but he deferred, and the nomination went to General of the Army Dwight D. Eisenhower.
After retirement, he became Chairman of the Board for the Remington Rand Corporation, and spent his remaining years in NYC, speaking out on public issues.
His final address, in January 1962, to the graduating class at West Point is considered one of his finest speeches.
Pay your respects here. In his farewell address to Congress, MacArthur said that old soldiers never die, they just fade away. Thanks to the size of his ego, he'll finish fading sometime during the next ice age.
CHEERS to sweet endorsements. The co-founders of the Ben & Jerry's ice cream empire have unveiled a new flavor:
Ben & Jerry’s co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield introduced Bernie Sanders at his campaign launch in Burlington, Vt., last year.
Now they’ve introduced “Bernie’s Yearning,” a new, extremely limited-edition ice cream flavor inspired by the Vermont senator and 2016 Democratic presidential hopeful.
“Nothing is so unstoppable as a flavor whose time has finally come,” Cohen wrote on his Facebook page Monday. The pint of plain mint ice cream topped by a chocolate disk that, according to its description, represents “the huge majority of economic gains that have gone to the top 1% since the end of the recession.”
“Beneath it, the rest of us,” the description reads.
But with a limited run of only 40 pints made in Cohen's kitchen, that means the multi-millionaires’ rich confection is out of the reach of 99 percent of Americans. Um...did they really think this through?
-
Ten years ago in C&J: January 26, 2006
JEERS to the urge to splurge. New report shows that Americans are among the worst savers in the world. Hey, we're just following the lead of our Republican-led Congress and our fearless Republican President. Is that...wrong?
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the land down under. Hit it...
Happy Australia Day 2016. But if you come near me with anything resembling vegemite, I'm calling in Seal Team 6.
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Video emerges of an 18-year-old Bill in Portland Maine talking about kiddie pool domination
---Mediaite
-