Oh, Samantha Bee — how we love thee. Proving once again that she rules late night newsy comedy, she went all in to dissect the “Trump Tape” and eviscerated Billy Bush and the “unwanted, Tic-tac-encrusted mouth hole” Donald Trump.
All right, let’s do this. On Friday, Donald Trump insisted that 5 urban teens wrongly imprisoned for rape and exonerated by DNA evidence and the confession of the real rapist 14 years ago, are still guilty. Oh! And he also did something that upset Republicans! Warning! You’re gonna hear the “P word” and trust me, that word isn’t “presidential.”
Roll tape!
[Tape of lewd comments by Billy Bush and Donald Trump on Access Hollywood bus]
Oh yeah—I’m going in on this like a bitch. That 2005 Access Hollywood tape wasn’t just lewd remarks, Trump was literally explaining a time-tested strategy for sexual assault. In fact, take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy is the closest thing to a plan Donald Trump has described this entire election!
But, the vilest thing on the tape isn’t Trump boasting about snatch snatching, aggressively pursuing an adulterous hook up or “take her furniture shopping” isn’t some sort of super sexy foreplay, it’s the way these two drooling hyenas treat actress Arianne Zucker, who’s only mistake was doing her job and greeting the adolescent boner bus.
[Plays Access Hollywood tape of Bush and Trump making lewd comments about Zucker]
Let’s stop that hostile work training module and discuss what we’ve seen. In less than a minute, these two leering dildos turned their rape culture banter into a rape culture power move that demeaned and violated Zucker in ways she is only now finding out about. And we know this is shocking for most normal men, but every woman I know has had some adult testosterone monster grab her like a human bowling ball. Come here, honey—check please! That video got Bushy suspended from his job. I’m comfortable with that. Even though he was just following the lead of a bullying, coldhearted alpha male who was completely in charge, which is kind of a Bush family trait.
Anyhow, while the rest of us were hammering plywood over our “p word”, Trump’s advisors typed an apology into a teleprompter, shoved their boy in a chair and said “read it!”