So I've hatched this crazy idea for a film I'll never make because (1) I don't know jack about film-making, (2) I don't have $150M sitting around, and (3) copyright infringement.
So first, some factual predicate: the UK is scared to death of global warming. If you believe the models credited by everyone with a functioning brain stem, the Gulf Stream will shut down and our mother country will enjoy a climate much like Greenland's, only slightly balmier than Greenland is today. The UK government will, I'm sure, do anything it can to stop this from happening.
Now for some wild speculation: what if the rumors are true? What if Russian intelligence really did Honey Trap Donald Trump? What if there's video -- squirreled away in some super-secret FSB facility -- of Trump having sex with an underage girl? Hmmmm, the UK could certainly use that video, if they could only land a copy. They could join the Russians in blackmailing Trump! If Our Dear Leader doesn't, say, pledge this country's adherence to the Kyoto Protocol, then the tape's going on BBC1, where it will run 24-7 (ew).
So this film needs a hero, the guy MI6 will task with getting the goods and saving the planet from Donald Trump. Who might that be? Well, there are just two answers to this question and since I can't stand Austin Powers I'm gonna go with Bond.
Lord knows 007's found himself in sillier stories (Moonraker, anyone?). But I think this one would totally work. To snatch that tape for Queen and Country, Bond will have to spend some between the sheets with a sexy Russian spy or two. It wouldn't take a screenwriting genius to work in some one-on-one with Melania. As for Idris Elba's Bond kicking the living shit out of Alec Baldwin's Trump? I'd donate a kidney to see that! Oh, and I've a perfect name for this surefire blockbuster . . .
You're going to love it . . .
Wait for it . . .
It absolutely rocks . . .
"Pussy Grabber," coming soon (a guy can dream) to a theater near you!!!!!!!