Tomorrow, Donald Trump will almost certainly lose the presidential election. Bigly. More than likely, he’ll take the GOP-controlled Senate down with him, and possibly the House too (fingers crossed!). Everyone who has worked to secure Democratic victories should be commended; it’s almost over, almost time for that final kick in order to cross the finish line in a strong position.
However, that is not the purpose of this diary. For all the seriousness of this campaign, Donald Trump remains a joke of a candidate, as does the party that allowed the conditions for his nomination to flourish. Starting tomorrow night and early Wednesday morning, he will forever be known as “former Republican presidential nominee...” Donald Trump. I invite you, in an effort to blow off some steam and bring a smile to the faces of our fellow Kossacks, to provide humorous material to fill in that ellipsis.
A few starters (45 to be exact :-). Please add yours in the comments. The only rule is the descriptor should be satirical/humorous (nothing overtly mean or spiteful). Have fun!
“Former Republican presidential nominee and (BLANK) Donald Trump.”
- Alleged thousandaire
- Amateur gynecologist
- Anthropomorphic testicle
- Argument 1A for comprehensive sex education
- Biff Tannen cosplayer
- Bigoted octopus
- Bizarro-World Mother Teresa
- Cause of Satan's carpal-tunnel syndrome
- Chewbacca-dressed furry
- Chris Hansen's white whale
- Dictionary definition of mouth-anus
- Evidence that Carly Simon owns a time machine
- Fifth grader who did his homework the morning it was due
- Frequent user of the phrase "A lot of my friends are Hispanic"
- Future Mr. Ann Coulter
- Guy caught masturbating 201 feet away from a school
- Harry Potter attempted murderer
- Human Cheeto
- In-law that you dread seeing at Thanksgiving
- Kif Kroker tormentor
- Marie Antoinette in drag
- Meme trafficker
- Most conspicuous CIA mole ever
- Mr. Blackwell's worst dressed orangutan
- Mr. Burns protégé
- Muskrat pelt smuggler
- Newest Ted Nugent roadie
- Noted boner-haver
- Obama's Yosemite Sam
- Obvious micropenis sufferer
- One-dimensional chess grandmaster
- Only known person with a soul made of asbestos
- Proof of the need for Megan's Law
- Racist Kool-Aid mascot
- Real-life equivalent to Fredo becoming Godfather
- Reason that mainstream political journalism needs to be Old Yeller'd
- Reddit thought experiment that escaped from the lab
- Reverse Oedipus
- Sentient 4chan board
- Sigmund Freud wet dream
- Unfunny Scrooge McDuck impersonator
- Vampire that only feeds on Breitbart comment sections
- Villian in every Limetime movie
- White sheet afficionado
- Wife importer