Evangelicals LOVE Donald Trump (a.k.a. Con Hair). So much so that they’ve built a golden calf to him and sacrificed every shred of decency they ever thought they had on the altar of Trumpism. To them—or at least what they try to tell themselves—Trump is sent from God to restore America to its former White Greatness, one grabbed pussy, one molested woman, one odious tweet at a time.
One of the most frustrating things the rest of us struggle to deal with are those who call themselves “Christians” defending the most loathsome man on the planet: and they do so in the name of Jesus—a man they know almost nothing about. They wear the mantle Christian, which presumably means that they also “believe” in Jesus. What would Jesus think—not just of the evangelical’s Golden Calf, but of the man himself?
Probably not much.
How would I know, right? Well, believe it or not, there are a few men who claimed to have heard Jesus speak, and wrote some of that down. Based on THEIR words (not mine), Jesus would have nothing but contempt for Donald Trump and the Evangelicals that call Donald their new lord and savior.
Probably the clearest assessment of Jesus’ feelings toward men like Trump would be found in one of his fables: the Rich Man and Lazarus. So, let’s retell that parable, using Donald Trump as the unnamed rich man, since he completely fits the bill here.
“There was a rich [real estate tycoon] who was dressed in [gold] and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the [Donald’s] table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.
“The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich [Pussy Grabber] also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’
“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’
“The rich [Pussy Grabber] answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, for I have [children—including a daughter I want to fuck]. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’
“Abraham replied, ‘They have [the Gospels and Biblical Scholars]; let them listen to them.’
“‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’”
He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to [the Biblical Scholars], they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”
Now for the exegesis!
There are three characters described in this story. The Rich (Pussy Grabber and Womanizer), Lazarus (the black/brown/Muslim/immigrant/refugee/poor), and Abraham.
We might define them as:
- The Conservative/Evangelicals/Republicans,
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The non-Conservative/Evangelical/Republicans i.e. the rest of us: (poor people, black people, brown people, immigrants women and refugees),
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Abraham (let’s call them the Progressives, Biblical Scholars, Liberals, people who actually want to do good in the lives of those who suffer)
Visible from Trump Tower, just outside the door in fact, in fact, were these ‘huddled masses’. Trump passed them every day. He had to step over them on the way to his next pussy grabbing.
After the introduction, Jesus makes a significant observation—something that Donald Trump—and every other Evangelical—should be anticipating, maybe even preparing for: the end of their story. Death comes to us all: rich and poor, good and bad, Evangelicals and everyone else—and IN death we are all equalized. In Jesus’ tradition (as in the Evangelical’s), after death there was a time of punishment and reward based on the ACTUAL value of the human, not their monetary worth.
Here’s where Jesus’ story takes on the Great Paradox. In life, the Donald Trump had value (at least HE thought he did). He had money, he knew the best words, he was the great wall builder, he knew who had a birth certificate and who didn’t, the “beauty of me is that I’m very rich”. Yet when death measured his actual worth, it placed him in the valley of the valueless, while Lazarus had a place on the lap of Abraham—the lap of luxury if you will.
It’s also interesting to note that Jesus says quite bluntly:
The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was in torment…
It’s as if Jesus simply assumed that would be his next step. He didn’t even bother to tell us “the Donald died and went to Hades…” Nope. He was buried, AND IN HADES, where he was in torment. In Jesus story, it seems Donald had the room already waiting for him long before he even shuffled off this mortal coil.
In torment, the Pussy Grabber begged Abraham to send the “liberal” to him to provide relief. Abraham informed the President Elect that he had his whole lifetime to prepare for this, and he chose his wealth instead.
Basically, Abraham chastised him:
“you received your good things while you were alive, while giving nothing to others.”
And we know for a fact that Donald has used his charities as monies for himself only.
Reading this as a script, we can look into even deeper levels of this story. We can observe that even in death, even in torment, the ‘former’ Pussy Grabber expected that the minority should be at his disposal. He didn’t even bother to acknowledge Lazarus or ask if he would be willing to help. Instead, he called upon the influence he thought he had with Abraham to coerce him to force Lazarus to do his bidding.
It didn’t work though. So the Pussy Grabber tried another tactic. He “begged,” per Jesus, Abraham to send Lazarus to his family, FINALLY showing some actual humility… though still not bothering to acknowledge Lazarus or his feelings about the request.
More irony: just as the black/brown/immigrant/refugee/woman had begged every day at Trump Tower to no avail, the former Pussy Grabber would himself finally beg Abraham, only to get the same results from Abraham that humanity got from the Donald.
Abraham’s admonishment is rather interesting. He reminded the Pussy Grabber that his family already HAD been warned: repeatedly. In fact, they even claimed to know (and presumably to believe) exactly what the Pussy Grabber wanted Lazarus to tell them. They had already been told this by men that they all CLAIMED they knew to be right. So the problem, according to Abraham (and Jesus) was that they simply didn’t take what they said they said they believed seriously.
But WAIT: there’s more! What was the Pussy Grabber’s actual crime? Jesus doesn’t say. Or does he?
He was rich—and ignored the plight of the poor. A point brought home by the way Jesus chose to define him: “A Rich Man.” Notice that he gave Lazarus a name, but not the Pussy Grabber. In life the Pussy Grabber was respected and feared. The media followed him wherever he went. His family name gave him access to anything he wanted. He had real estate, influence, several wives—anything he wanted. Yet in this parable, Jesus stripped him of everything—especially his name: and instead, called him a Rich Man. It’s probably safe to assume that he spoke the name somewhat derisively—the way we all do.
The fact that Jesus refused this man his name is significant in Jewish tradition, and at the same time profound: and his audience would have recognized that right away.
In life, the Pussy Grabber had a name… in death, Jesus refused to use it. In life, the Pussy Grabber had value and respect. In death, HE was the beggar. In life, the Pussy Grabber was seen (at least by evangelicals) as a good Conservative. In death, not even Abraham (let alone God) considered him worthy of anything—not even a drop of water.
Isn’t it ironic that the greatest threat the poor face is from those who wear the name of the greatest champion of the poor? Jesus thought that too and went out of his way to make sure that HIS name would never be associated with those people. Unfortunately, as the old saying goes, you can lead an evangelical to knowledge, but you can’t make him think.
But at least Jesus was clear on where he stood with men like the new President-Elect, and the Evangelicals who espouse and worship him.
