I’m a lost little lamb now that my political fortunes, once tied to the incrementalism and crony capitalism championed by Hillary Clinton, have come to an irrevocable end. You see, Hillary Clinton broke into my home and ate my cat.
At first I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe when the Bernie Sanders supporters said that there was something suspicious about her because she took money from Wall Street. She’s bought, they said. She’s Diet Republican, they said. She’s a woman, they said. I excused these by pointing out that there has never been a quid pro quo exchange between Clinton the politician and Wall Street. But, Bankruptcy, they said. To which I replied that she opposed the bill as FLOTUS, getting her husband to veto it, worked behind the scenes to protect women and children in the bill when she was a senator, and couldn’t vote for the revised bill, which she had no say in, because Bill, not bill, but Bill, her husband, was in the hospital. Fool was I, I now know, because my poor Teddy, my poor little girl, is now gurgling in Hillary’s intestinal tract.
I didn’t want to believe the good versus evil dichotomy the Sanders supporters kept throwing my way. She’s a neoliberal, they said. She’s a hawk, they said. She’s establishment, they said. I would point out that neoliberal deficit concern most likely came about as a defensive position against the country’s shift from Keynesian to Supply Side economic theories, and it became incumbent upon all Democrats to show how they planned to pay for their programs (even if no such requirement has ever existed for the Republicans) in the 1980s, and by the time Hillary was in office in 2001, those beliefs had become entrenched and impossible to overcome, and it’s only now that we’re starting to really reject Reaganomics. I would point out that Bernie is himself no stranger to AUMF votes, having voted for the invasion of Afghanistan, that other Bush quagmire, and that Hillary’s vote for the Iraq AUMF was based on a (in hindsight, admittedly mistaken) strategy to delay Bush’s use of armed forces in Iraq because the whole nation, including Colin Powell, was duped by the Bush administration’s doctored evidence. I would point out that Hillary Clinton has been on the outside of the establishment she has worked so hard to protect, to the point that her failure to successfully win health care in 1993 was directly blamed for the loss of congress in 1994, and that she has spent her entire political life being called “That Woman,” as in “I will never support THAT WOMAN.” More mistaken I.
At 3:30PM, PST, Hillary Clinton broke into my apartment, captured my cat with promises of ear scritches and catnip, and ate her. Hillary Clinton is a monster.
I’m sorry I couldn’t see it before. I am so ashamed.
But I’m just a delusional Hillary Supporter, so I guess I’ll still vote for her in the primary.
Note: I was going to save this for tomorrow, but the Hillary derangement in today’s poll made this kairotic.