People (rightfully) accuse me of going for the jugular in my diaries. Shrug. It’s a trait I learned at the dinner table with an alcoholic father and refined through a life filled with advocacy (including politics and law school). I’ll agree most of the time it doesn’t help long term but with short term (case litigation or political campaigning) it’s a powerful weapon. Of course, litigators, like political operatives, rarely have to rebuild the scorched earth.
Today I read the beautiful diary by Dallas Doc The Wound Has Been Reopened Dallas Doc recounts his life and losses with AIDS. Like him I lost friends, (not lovers as I’m a lesbian). I remember how often they lamented being “ the last one” as they reminisced about friends/lovers lost. Juxtaposed against my coming out, it seared me. How could I have found my greatest happiness in the middle of plague?
Talk to anyone who lived in San Francisco or New York or fill-in-the-goddamned blank during AIDS. They will tell you the sheer terror of watching friends suddenly develop warts, lose weight, or leave work. It had only one outcome. Helping them during this period saw beautiful people (inside/out) reduced to painful husks all because they loved, lusted, and lived. Things most take for granted.
Yes, it took time to get over Hillary’s stupid remark about Nancy Reagan. Below is why I did.
More than anything AIDS taught me life — particularly the people in mine — is/are not forever. I struggled to be nicer and accepting (of extremes on both sides). It made me ambivalent about death or so I thought until I lost my mother. Her loss only deepened my desire to leave no broken relationships in my life. Even after my sixteen year relationship ended I remained friendly (don’t insert lesbian joke; it’s not that way). Hell, I even forgave my father for a lifetime of pain.
But I cannot surrender my inner fighter. The willingness to accept meant I adopted a fierce pragmatism. Taking something instead of demanding all or nothing might mean someone will live longer. Compromise on a bill one year might leave to a better one next year. The life I knew to be too short was best spent on mini-battles rather than grand losses. Those mini battles add up as I noted in my other blog 50 Year LGBT Epoch
This is why I wholeheartedly support Hillary. My personal, professional, and political life has taught perfection doesn’t exist. What I believe tomorrow may not be what I believe today. A commentator in an earlier diary accused me of “lacking a moral compass.” I disagree because the common theme in my life has been doing well by others. As I aged, I just learned to expand the definition of “other.” I also understand a mistake by a proven friend and ally is a time for education not evisceration. specially when this ally has been the lightening rod for Republican attacks and Ultra Liberal Bitterness for nearly 40 years (Democratic elites will never forgive a couple from Arkansas winning)
Again, Hillary lifetime of experience shows accomplishments in several arenas. These outshine Sanders limited accomplishments as a senator from a small state.
Further, the rat packing mentality of some of his more vocal supporters helps no one, especially him. See the hijacking of Laurence Lewis’ diary Hillary Apologizes (commentators even renew screed about her being responsible for Berta Caceres murder — remind anyone of Vince Foster?). Even the lead story about Hillary smearing Bernie on Health Care falls flat, see Man Behind Clinton (Truth remains he stood in background — see CNN CNN on 1993 Picture — and signed cards from politicians mean nothing).
The rat packing has become frenzy, with all the misogyny and hatred one would expect. But I can tell you from bitter experience, being morally superior means nothing when bottom falls out. You are doing the Republican’s work for them. If Hillary leaves the scene — and who could blame her at this point — what do you think they will do with Bernie? It’s worth another diary entry but given Markos’ new rules probably not here.