The Easter Bunny (also called the Easter Rabbit or Easter Hare) is a folkloric figure and symbol of Easter, depicted as a rabbit bringing Easter Eggs
Scientific studies have shown that there are no rabbits who lay eggs. This is largely due to the fact that that rabbits are mammals in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha.
What sort of sick, diseased, filthy mind first perverted the tale of Easter with this anthromorphological disaster, anyway? Not only does this creature bring eggs that it obviously stole, they aren’t even real eggs. They are died with artificial colorings, and many of them are made of chocolate and sugar. This horrible abomination would cause any pious citizen to cringe, and consider uttering desperate prayers of forgiveness to whatever God they worship, in hopes that their souls aren’t cast into eternal damnation.
First of all, for the Christians, our Lord and Savior was not birthed from an egg. Therefore, in a religious sense, eggs have nothing to do with His rising. Second of all, there is no world religion anywhere that depicts the Messiah being birthed in this manner, with the possible exception of the Snake Cult of East Pomatopia, which believes Man rose out of holes in the ground, and that the only holy food is rats.
So where did this tale originate, anyway? Apparently, in Medieval times, scholars were so confused, they associated rabbits and hares with hermaphrodites. And since hermaphrodites are made of wood, they burn, and thus, we can associate them with toast. And the Virgin Mary liked toast, so you can see the connection.
There is also a strange religious sect that believes an angry demon changed a sacred bird into a rabbit, and deemed that its eggs shall be filled with a gooey, sugary abomination, housed in chocolate, and sold by the Earl of Cadbury. This same religious sect believes man’s soul is housed in an ancient Cadillac buried somewhere near the Tiber River, in the glove box, next to some old batteries and a map of East Hollywood.
For those in the fact based community, scientific evidence points to the Easter Bunny myth being created by Satan himself, out of a desire to turn children into greedy freaks, searching endlessly for eggs, candy, jelly beans and other prizes, in a sort of Hunt of the Damned that is meant to keep them from the path of righteousness.
With all the arguing about Bernie vs. Hillary on this site, not one poster has asked the truly important question: which of our candidates will ban this horror show of an anti-holiday?