From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
Bad Lip Reading: Ted Cruz
It’s like Christmas in March. Enjoy...
Can’t wait to see what they do with Rubio. Please please please do Rubio next.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, March 3, 2016
Note: Not in MY back yard!!! (Use the front yard. It's got more room and less dog poop.)
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Daylight Saving Time begins: 10
Days 'til the Durango Bach Festival in Colorado: 10
Rank of D.C. ($10.50 going to $11.50 in July), California ($10) and Massachusetts ($10) among states with the highest minimum wage: #1, #2, #3
Number of states that prohibit their cities from raising a local minimum wage, according to the L.A. Times: 17
Number of miles astronauts Scott Kelly and Mikhail Kornienko traveled during their year in space experiment: 144 million
Number of times they circled the earth: 5,440
Year that the Mississippi state flag, the last one currently in use that contains a mini confederate battle flag in it, was first adopted: 1894
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Another major [Bob] Dole backer is Koch Industries ($245,000), now the country's second-largest family-owned industry, and the Koch brothers are among the wealthiest men in the world (estimated worth: $4.7 billion).
Among other right-wing groups, the Koches support the libertarian Cato Institute and Citizens for a Sound Economy, which should be called Rich Guys for Big Bidness.
CSE wants to phase out Medicare completely, and Dole's regulatory reform bill---the one that would effectively repeal most of our health, safety and environmental regulations---is straight out of the CSE playbook.
Puppy Pic of the Day:
Hey there, tinsel teeth…
CHEERS to giving a crap. Thanks to the miracle of modern manure spreader technology, Ohio farmer Jerry Slanker is literally calling---and spreading---bullshit on the candidacy of the Republican frontrunner so that even the space station crew can see it:
Up next for Farmer Slanker: writing CHRIS CHRISTIE in chicken shit.
JEERS to the Democrats' new Joe Lieberman. Speaking of manure, how freaking outrageous that the head of the Democratic party is turning into a DINO right before our eyes. Her current target is Elizabeth Warren's Consumer Financial Protection Bureau:
[Debbie] Wasserman Schultz is co-sponsoring a new bill that would gut the CFPB's forthcoming payday loan regulations. She's also attempting to gin up Democratic support for the legislation on Capitol Hill, according to a memo obtained by The Huffington Post. […]
The misleadingly titled Consumer Protection and Choice Act would delay the CFPB's payday lending rules by two years, and nullify its rules in any state with a payday lending law like the one adopted in Florida. […] "The problem here is that Florida's law is a sham," says Gynnie Robnett, director of the Campaign to Stop the Debt Trap at Americans for Financial Reform. "It was backed by the industry."
Going after the CFPB is becoming something of a habit for Wasserman Schultz. In November, she voted to undercut the agency's standards on auto lending, helping car dealers charge higher prices to customers of color. She recently signed onto a letter to CFPB Director Richard Cordray asking him to exempt credit unions and banks with up to $10 billion in assets from consumer protection rules.
Turncoats who support financial predators deserve the boot. Consider giving a few bucks to DWS's primary challenger Tim Canova. Which brings me to today's excellent Boy Scout first-aid tip: if you sprain your mouse-clicking finger due to hitting the "Contribute" button too hard, popsicle sticks and Scotch tape make an excellent splint. For pain relief, knock back a shot of whiskey. Repeat as needed.
CHEERS to one less grifter in the mix. Ben Carson won’t be on tonight's Republican debate stage ("Live from Detroit!") because yesterday he officially bowed out of the race. His words: "I do not see a political path forward." Which makes total sense for a candidate who could never keep his eyes open.
JEERS to Comedy Central's evil twin. Yesterday marked the start of the annual knee-slappin' hootenanny that is the CPAC convention. The staunch right-wing defenders of the flyover states are holding it at their usual spot: inside the D.C. beltway cesspool that they claim to despise. (See the speaker lineup here if you can stomach it.) What you'll see: anger, rage, crazy, tried-and-failed ideas, madness, pretzel-twisted logic, xenophobia, homophobia, immigrant-o-phobia, Islamophobia, isolationism, birtherism, secession and denial, denial, denial. Plus exciting discussions about the groundbreaking new Republican agenda of tax cuts, walls, annexation of the vagina and...um...did we mention tax cuts? Oh well. At least some people will benefit from the annual gathering of America's most vocal holier-than-thou family-values role models: D.C.'s hookers.
CHEERS and JEERS to making cents (and also losing them). Being a world-renowned fauxconomist, I know that my opinion can have an overly-influential, um, influence on the fiduciary proceedings of the global markets and pork belly futures. So I'll simply stay neutral and recap the week thus far in economics with some traditional-media headlines. Caution---minor whiplash ahead:
Auto sales ring up another hot month
America is telling the Fed that the economy keeps improving
Economy muddling through
ADP: Private sector adds 214,000 jobs in February
Moody's cuts China outlook
New home sales fall sharply in January
Construction spending reaches 8-year high
With Scalia’s Death, Corporate America May Have A Harder Time Watering Down Collective Legal Rights
J.C. Penney returns from the brink
Sports Authority goes bankrupt
Consumer sentiment steady in February
Debt collectors rise to #1 among consumer complaints
Tonight on our dinner plate: chicken stir-fry and irrational exuberance.
CHEERS to fun things a president can do as his country disintegrates from a Great Depression. On March 3, 1931, President Herbert Heebert Hoobert signed a measure making "The Star-Spangled Banner" our official national anthem. Hey, let's all sing the third stanza! And a-one and a-two…
And where is that band who so vauntingly swore, That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion A home and a Country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash’d out their foul footstep’s pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave, And the star
spangled banner in triumph doth wave O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
On second thought, let's just stick with the first.
Five years ago in C&J: March 3, 2011
CHEERS to the best decision we'll ever hate. The Supreme Court ruled---correctly in C&J's humble opinion---that Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church minions have the First Amendment right to picket at the funerals of soldiers. And you and I still have the right to exercise our free speech rights, too, including calling Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church minions assholes who are destined to spend eternity in the lowest circle of hell---the one with the 24-hour Charlie Sheen cable news coverage.
And just one more…
CHEERS to the keeper of our books. President Obama has nominated Dr. Carla Hayden to be our next Librarian of Congress. She's a veteran of both the Chicago and Baltimore library systems, and you can learn more about her here. I doubt the Senate will obstruct her the way they will with Obama's soon-to-be-announced Supreme Court nominee, and I imagine she's the only one who will be able to get away with a confirmation hearing like this:
Senator: Dr. Hayden, I'd like to ask how you…
Dr. Hayden: Shhh!
Senator: But I just want to ask…
Dr. Hayden: Shhh!
Senator: …if you have any experience with…
Dr. Hayden: Shhh! That's three shushes, buster. Out!
Senator: But I…
Dr. Hayden: Out! This instant! Until you learn how to behave. And spit out that gum.
Senator: Yes, ma'am. Sorry ma'am.
I like her.
Oh, and today is What If Cats And Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day. (Spoiler alert: the world would be a much better place because they’d retrieve and bury all our guns.) Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Chris Christie's blank stare in Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool sets off Twitter users
---New York Daily News