With President Obama’s amazing decision to issue a directive telling every public school district in the country to allow transgender students to use the bathrooms that match their gender identity, I thought I would share with my fellow Kossacks the story of an amazing pioneer in the transgender community, Victoria Kolakowski and how she came out when we were in school together and some of the obstacles she faced.
When I was at LSU Law School, 1986-1989, we had a rather odd fellow student in our class, Michael Kolakowski. I use the word “odd” not in a derogatory way but for lack of a better term. He had long flowing hair and was very effeminate and he was married to a, well a masculine woman, who was one year behind us in school. They were very much in love and were always all over one another. I’m talking heavy PDA which wasn’t very common in law school. But something just didn’t seem right. It was clear that they were very much in love but there was just something.
During his first two years of law school, besides he and his wife’s PDA seemingly at every break, he was very quiet. I don’t recall him hanging out with anyone but his wife. When he ran (unsuccessfully) for city council I thought that was odd. He was so quiet. So shy. I remember asking my friends, “WTF is Michael doing running for office? You never hear him even talk?!?”
In our senior year, second semester, Michael, or rather Vickie, one day came to school dressed as a woman. Full make up, a nice blouse and a pencil skirt. Of course the entire school was shocked. At every one of her classes, there was a crowd outside the doors looking inside to get a peak of her. She explained to us all that she was a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. She eventually wanted to transition.
It was quite frankly the most amazing day I can remember in all the years I was in any school. Remember, this was 1989. We were studying the 1986 case Bowers v. Hardwick wherein the Supreme Court found Georgia’s sodomy statute was in fact constitutional. Reagan had only first started mentioning AIDS in public two years before (although he had mentioned it once at a press conference in 1985). The number of AIDS cases in the US had reached 100,000. (Today it is estimated that 1.2 million people live with AIDS in the US.) As I saw her, surrounded by students asking her the most inane questions, I thought, my God she is brave. I just could not imagine.
One fellow student, who happens to now be a relatively high ranking Republican in the state, leaned over to me, pointed to Vickie with the crowd around her and said “He’s doing this for attention.” I was almost as shocked by that statement as I was when I initially saw “Vickie” walk in. I turned to him and said: “Are you fucking kidding me?! Can you imagine waking every day debating with herself whether this will be the day she comes out to the world? Can you imagine the struggle? I think she is incredibly brave and to even have the thought that she’s doing this for attention is just beyond stupid. I’m sorry but that’s just stupid.” And I got up and walked away.
Another day I was reading the bulletin board with the jobs postings and I overheard a conversation behind me. Two women were talking about having to walk over to the undergrad school union to use the restroom. Wondering what this was about, I turned and saw Vickie and her wife and realized she had no place to use the restroom at the law school. Some jerk had placed a cardboard stating “Real” on top of the word “Men” on the restroom door. She did not want to make the women at the law school feel uncomfortable and didn’t even attempt to use the women’s rest room. [Edit: Actually I don’t know if this is why she didn’t use the law school’s women’s restroom. I just assumed she didn’t try. But it’s possible she did and was denied because I know she was denied later. see below]So they headed across campus where the undergrads wouldn’t know them to use a women’s room there. I felt so sad for her. Eventually the Chancellor gave Vickie a key to his private restroom.
Graduation was held at the LSU Assembly Center and we we had to dress into and out of our robes in the restrooms. There was some event…. I don’t know why but we needed to change clothes at some point. Apparently Vickie was made to use the men’s room to change her clothes.
I remember when Vickie walked in the Men’s room. Everyone grew silent and she walked over to a stall, went in, locked the door and changed. I felt horrible for her. All of us did. We could see the embarrassment on her face. Since “Vickie” had revealed herself to us, she was no longer the shy fem Michael. She was excited and talkative. But that day, the day of our graduation, she was back in her shell.
This story has a happy ending. Vickie moved to San Francisco and became quite successful:
Victoria Kolakowski declared victory Monday in a tightly contested race for Alameda County Superior Court, making her what is believed to be the nation's first transgender judge.
In the final, uncertified tally, Kolakowski defeated John Creighton by 51 to 48 percent, the Alameda County registrar of voters said. She received 162,082 votes to 152,546 for Creighton. Link
I was proud of my fellow students back then. She and her wife had overwhelming support (except for few jerks) but unfortunately tepid support from the admins. It was not uncommon to hear a male student give Vickie a compliment on her skirt or hair. She actually became very popular during that last semester. And she educated our school, including me, a gay man.
So bravo Vickie! A true pioneer in the LGBT community. You opened up our eyes a long time before the eyes of the nation were finally opened.
