In the Republicanism indistinguishable from satire contest, another fine entry: A look at the Republican women who "love Trump."
Ronna Romney McDaniel, Michigan’s Republican Party chairwoman, said her mother (once married to Mitt’s brother), two aunts and other female relatives (all on her mother’s side) are also supporters, she says, because of his business background and focus on jobs and the economy. “In my family, it’s actually the women who are for Trump,” she said.
You will never get Republicans to believe that either climate change or systemic discrimination is real, but even people named "Romney" think that Donald Trump is a great businessman who is focused on jobs and stuff merely because he says so. You could take a look at his distinctly unimpressive business record, or thumb through the many, many past reports of Donald Trump not giving a flying damn about jobs in his own business dealings if there's another nickel to be pocketed by not doing so, but he had a show on TV about firing people so clearly he knows both Business and Jobs. Well, it is Romneyesque, I’ll give it that.
Many of the women pointed to Trump’s successful and popular children as the measure of his character.
Don't we all wish our children would grow up to post pictures of themselves with dead animals? Don't we all admire the way Trump's children Have Money? When Whatshisface Trump talks to the nice man from the white supremacist group, isn't he just so polite? Surely, only an honorable man could raise children who have so much, er, money.
Some said the presumptive nominee reminded them of their own fathers or husbands, and others said they saw Trump in themselves.
Not something I would admit out loud, myself, but conservatives are different from you and I. And, apparently, there really are people in the world who can imagine being married to ... that.
“I have known politicians for over 35 years and I have never had a more kindhearted one look me straight in the eye and talk to me about the United States of America,” said Sue Lynch, former president of the National Federation of Republican Women who originally supported Scott Walker’s presidential bid.
That is straight-up the most depressing thing I've ever heard. If you've known politicians for 35 years and Donald Freaking Trump counts as the nicest one of the entire bunch, you may be trapped in a modern-day Dickens novel.
In April, she met Trump, snapped a photo with him, and took his measure after a campaign stop in her hometown of La Crosse, Wisconsin. “I was overwhelmed by the kindness of that gentleman,” she said.
Yes, that's what comes to mind when you see Donald Trump on his campaign stops. Kindhearted. Such a quiet boy, the neighbors all say, nobody ever thought he would [insert reason they're being interviewed in front of all these television cameras.]
So that's the base. Might we hope, though, that at least well known and powerful elected Republican women have a bit more rigorous measure of Trump than "not as racist and sexist as his every speech makes him sound?"
[Rep. Marsha Blackburn] suggested women are used to being talked about in demeaning ways. “Most women are like me,” she said. “Through your careers and through the decades you know you’re going to be condescended to when you’re working in a man’s world or you’re going to hear things that you don’t like or that are going to be said but you don’t let that define you. You don’t let it deter you, you don’t let it get in the way of you achieving your goals. You just sort of push on.”
So he's a sexist bastard who belittles female presidential candidates for not being attractive enough, calls women not skinny enough for his tastes "Miss Piggy," and is generally known for being an all-around creep and shitstain, but Blackburn thinks American women are just so used to that treatment that eh, does it really matter? Let's all hope Rep. Blackburn never sets out to pen a children's book. Titles like Sally Learns to Settle aren't exactly likely to tear up the Scholastic book fair.
Former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer also doesn’t condone all of Trump’s comments about women, but she described Trump as a “gentleman” who went out of his way to fetch her a Diet Coke during a meeting on one of his private planes. “He’s such a regular guy, he makes you feel so comfortable when you’re with him,” she said. “The best thing is that he’s such a great listener. He’s a great listener. He doesn’t scoff at anybody’s comments or ideas.”
Um, isn't scoffing at other people's comments and ideas the essence of Donald Trump? Didn't he just upbraid his own staff just a few days ago for the "stupid" suggestion that surrogates should avoid talking about Trump's racist tirades again a federal judge? Donald Trump has a list of losers, and it consists of every single human being who isn't him. His every campaign stop consists of upbraiding whoever's on the top of that list on any given day.
But hey, free Diet Coke? All is forgiven.
Again, the question before us: Parody, or not parody? If I were to plant a fake story about Donald Trump in The Onion, it would be filled with quotes about how Donald Trump is a kindhearted man who may be a horrible racist and sexist and perhaps even a crook, but is a Great Genius of Business who dispenses Diet Coke from the mini-bar so screw it, it all balances out.
C'mon. C'mon.