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You can take your pick on the funniest part of the speaker lineup at the Republican National Convention. Is is the long list of prominent Republicans not speaking at Donald Trump’s coronation, or is it the excuses of Republicans skipping the convention? Is it the sports figures who declined to show up, up to and including Tim Tebow? Or is it some of the names on the list of prime time speakers? And by “some of the names,” I mean the biographical information provided on them, because these are not names you’d recognize off the top of your head.
Seriously, what’s funnier: that the general manager of Trump Winery is speaking in prime time at the RNC, or that the vice president of The Eric Trump Foundation is? Is it the claim that, in addition to being a “fashion model and singer,” Tiffany Trump is also an “influential presence on social media”? Or the description of a “small business owner” who “employs over 100,000 people”? (Seriously, guys, pick one.)
But however great the final list of RNC speakers is, the stories that have come out about the process of getting to this list of soap opera actors and Trump family members are even better. For instance, Trump really wanted Don King to speak. Like, really. He wouldn’t let it drop, the New York Times reports:
Finally, officials including Reince Priebus, the Republican national chairman, firmly explained to Mr. Trump why Mr. King should not be invited: He once stomped a man to death and was convicted of manslaughter. The party could not associate itself with someone convicted of a felony.
What do you want to bet Reince Priebus did go ahead and pour Baileys on his cereal after that little conversation?