This is a diary that has been a long time coming. I have occasionally shared personal stories but for the most part I’m kind of that liberal crank that embarrasses the many of you wanting to get real things done. If it’s any consolation, I’m comfortable in my flaws and I have more of them than I used to. Bravo to everyone wanting the world to be a better, more open place. I’m going to screw this up in a couple of places and I know it, but I’m at least going to try.
For several months me, my wife and my children have been camping on a secret. We always knew it was going to come out but only one person should have been in control of the timing of that so we’ve kept our mouths shut. The circle of people who know about the secret has been widening slowly but there was no actual aggressive statement of any kind. Until last night, when the person most affected by everything came out on social media, with an angry denouncing of the events in Cleveland. My oldest child has become politically active, which I have always encouraged.
My oldest child came out as transgender.
Some of you might remember a post I wrote some time back (and I’d be flattered if you did) about how I hated the idea that the whole “coming out” process seemed to be a necessity. I still believe that. By the same token I also believe in protecting the privacy of anyone not wanting to be out because let face it, the choice should only belong to one person. So now I find myself having gone to bed having a child who called himself male and waking up with one who called herself female.
Ah, how life likes to do this sort of thing. I helps me keep from taking everything all too seriously.
It’s been a strange experience being the parent of a trans person. I raised my oldest as my only son. I didn’t grow up with any girls my age range so I was always grateful that my first child was a boy — I understand boys and how they grow up and it gave me the chance to learn how to be a father before our second child came along, who is a girl. My oldest was a boy. He had friends who were boys. He had a girlfriend in high school. He grew a beard. He went off to college.
When he came home from his junior year he came out to me. He had come out to his mother long before and I have to admit that it hurt a little bit that he felt that I couldn’t be the first person he turned to. I get why he did it — I really do. Some people here have seen me post when angry and I’m not nice when I’m angry. I work very hard to avoid it but I’ll admit it comes out sometimes. It made perfect sense for him to come out to his family the way he did. It still hurt — even his little sister knew before me.
I got over it. This isn’t about me.
As a side note, I find it strange to use the words “came out” in this process. As she repeatedly points out to me — she’s not gay. I joked to him “not yet” and she replied “it’s not like that dad.” An up close and personal lesson to this straight white guy why the acronym keeps growing. I can remember when it was “G,L and B” and not LGBTQIA and growing. I also joke that we need new pronouns but the truth is that I need to learn how to better use them.
My child went to college 800 miles from home, which we had planned so that he could see more of the world. When he decided to start the transition he dropped out of school to be back home, in an environment much more friendly to a person going through the process. I want her back in school but I understand the difficulties involved. I wish her student loan lenders were as understanding — we weren’t ready to start paying them back and this isn’t accepted as a good medical reason by the lenders. That’s been a headache.
So she’s back in her old room while she undergoes the changes, devoting a lengthy period of her life to becoming a butterfly. We’re all supportive, and there’s nothing about this that could make me love my son… my daughter any less. But we’ve all been quiet about it. She told a few friends but beyond that we haven’t been public about anything. Not really.
So what happened last night?
Oh yeah.
Last night my oldest posted the following on social media:
This is it. THIS. IS. IT.
Either we CRUSH Trump, or America dies. From those ashes won't rise a new beginning, but a return to hate that will threaten to consume the world. I ain't being poetic.
...
Whatever facade the current Republican party used to wear has been willingly shed. They are all out in the light ready to step on every freedom we ever had in order to take control in the name of Righteousness.
I'm done hiding. I'm done lying to myself while the world reaches for my throat to tear my voice out.
She posted much more but I think these are the most relevant passages. My oldest rants just like I do. She posted the picture above as well.
There was never even a question about being supportive of our child. Not in my house. Not in my heart. I don’t understand any other possible reaction. That fact that some people react in other ways makes me sad.
I have never understood the desire to hate. I understand hate itself. I have hated. But it’s not something I’ve wanted to do. It’s exhausting. Hate has an end point — utter destruction. You have to want that to hate and the fact that some people want you to hate means that they want destruction, even if they don’t realize it. The Republican has embraced a man so full of hate that his entire message is based upon the idea that you have to hate to become better. Trump, despite his innumerable flaws, isn’t a dumb man. This is all intentional. He hates. He wants you to hate. He wants you tired. He wants to destroy.
America IS great — there’s no “again” that needs to be added. It just sucks to be him.
No one gets better this way. It just doesn’t happen. It destroyed Germany in the 1930’s and 40’s. It’s come close for us more than once but we’ve always had a moment where someone everyone trusts bursts the bubble. An Edward R. Murrow. A Walter Cronkite.
We don’t have those people anymore. The floor level of the ambient noise in the world of information is too high for excellence to be all-encompassing. Hate is destroying everything and everyone it touches and the Republican Party is spewing it out at every corner of the globe and at every person who isn’t one of them — and even many who are. Ask Ted Cruz or Lindsey Graham.
I have said in previous diaries that I consider Donald Trump to be an extinction level event. I have asked for the generation following mine to be better than us. They often are. But my oldest child was more eloquent in a single sentence than I was in a 15 minute video. I am proud of her, and MUST follow her example.
“I'm done lying to myself while the world reaches for my throat to tear my voice out.”
Bravo my child. I love you more than I can adequately express. Love yourself. Change the world. I’ll help if I can.
Welcome.