I say this because Aardvarks are quite adorable and I’m sure if some polling firm out there went and tested Donald Trump Vs. Aardvark… the Aardvark would be winning by considerably more then our current presumptive nominee.
Another suggestion… on a thing that would likely poll better than Secretary Clinton versus The Orange Hate Sponge… back rubs!
If Hillary Clinton could make moves that resembled a back rub, I have it under good authority that she’d win the entire Utaklahomakoda region.
They really like back rubs there.
They also like pork rubs.
All kinds of rubs.
Utaklahomakoda is decidedly PRO rub.
(Not as much as they’re pro Aardvarks, because, you know… orycteropus afer!)
I’m also thinking maybe the former Secretary of State should consider moving left… then right… then left… then two steps back… then one of those deep sliiiiiiiides in a diagonal direction… like she doing a line dance!
Cause Line Dance Vs. Trump could would probably go down like a reverse Reagan/Mondale. if you know what I’m saying.
(Still no comparison to Aardvark/Trump, but again… it’s a medium-sized, burrowing, nocturnal mammal, so…)
Couple random thoughts here in the middle of our rant…
#1: We do all realize that ANYTHING not real (including the current candidacy of the esteemed Senator Sanders) is going to poll BETTER then our current nominee, because the hypothetical has the distinct advantage of being hypothetical and therefore devoid of 100% of the pitfalls that come with being actual.
#2: If — in an alternate, but not to hard to imagine universe — it had been Sanders prevailing, and not Clinton, would there be a bunch of diaries suggesting he move in her direction? I think not, even though, logically, the general electorate is more centrist than the primary electorate. But, you know, in the Alternativerse, he’d be the WINNER and WINNER would’ve likely been good enough…
#3: Did anyone — in 2008, when then Senator Obama beat Senator Clinton by LESS then Secretary Clinton has beaten Senator Sanders — suggest that presumptive nominee Obama move his positions closer to Clinton? I don’t believe they did, and part of the reason was… she didn’t ask him to. She took her lumps and conceded and then went to the most public space she could find and held his hand real high.
#4: Does anyone know how to quickly sex an aardvark? No reason... other then the possibly incorrectly named “Laverne” is humping my leg.
OK, where were we.
Oh, yes…
Well, I guess since it is was only little-ol Secretary Clinton who prevailed, she must move… into a rent controlled two-bedroom Condo in Brooklyn!… which, is also polling 7% better in the general election against the guy with the goofus hat who will soon be giving a concession speech in early November.
Better, yes, but, mind you… nothing polls as well as the fucking Aardvark!
Happy 4th y’all.
