From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Wit of Will
Today marks the 81st anniversary of Will Rogers' death in a plane crash in Alaska. In 1935 Roosevelt (whom he supported) had only been in office for two years and my parents were still in diapers. Huge Hollywood star, razor-sharp pundit, and one of the best things to come from Oklahoma. Here are some of his observations that ring as true today as they did 80-odd years ago:
"Things will get better, despite our efforts to improve them."
“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”
"Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat."
"You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way."
“If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?”
"There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
"A fool and his money are soon elected."
"An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's."
"Try to live your life so that you wouldn't be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip."
"If all politicians fished instead of spoke publicly, we would be at peace with the world."
And one that---Zounds!---appears to be much more applicable to the other team this year than ours:
"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat."
Happy Monday. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 15, 2016
Note: Over to you, ma'am…
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the first Clinton-Trump debate (at Hofstra U.): 42
Days 'til the Blackberry Arts Festival in Coos Bay, Oregon: 12
Air Force fighter pilot shortage expected by the end of the year, partly because airlines are hiring more of them, according to AP: 700
Bonus being offered to retain drone pilots: $35,000 a year
Years since carbon pollution emissions from our energy sector have been as low as they are today: 25
Year during which the pilgrims settled the Plymouth Colony: 1620
Estimated date of birth for the female Greenland shark that died recently, according to scientists at the University of Copenhagen: 1620
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Team USA Olympic Medal Count
Gold 26 Silver 21 Bronze 22
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Turns out the common wisdom about dog nipples is wrong. Well, that sucks.
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CHEERS to CBS News. I don't know who was on duty in the graphics department there yesterday when their new polls showed Hillary Clinton Clobbering Donald Trump in Florida and New Hampshire (and only 4 points off in Georgia), but I have to say "bravo"…..
Ruh roh. He's gone from orange to red. I believe the Department of Homeland Security calls that level "Ready to Explode."
JEERS to hot lead and hot tempers. Meanwhile, in the world of racism and death penises, two weekend shootings will be generating a lot of heat this week. In Queens, New York, a respected imam and one of his friends were assassinated on Saturday. And in Milwaukee Wisconsin, volunteers are cleaning up after a weekend of trigger-pulling and aftermath-violence that included a police officer killing a fleeing (armed with a stolen semi-automatic handgun) suspect and other unrelated shootings that left five dead and four wounded. And depending on who you ask, it's all the fault of---[Pulls ragged piece of paper out of pocket]---the police, the blacks, the whites, the Muslims, the Muslim haters, poverty, laziness, local government, state government, federal government, Hollywood, Fox News, drugs, gun laws that are too lax, gun laws that are too strict, the kids these days, the parents these days, ISIS, Obama, standardized testing and/or this stupid planet. Good luck sorting it out.
CHEERS to VJ Day. Seventy-one years ago, on August 15, 1945, America celebrated the end of the war in the Pacific. Our youngest W.W. II vets are now 90 or older, so today it's our pleasure to slip a nip 'o scotch in their Ensure with a wink and a "thank you"---that was a war that needed to be fought. Meanwhile the Afghanistan war that President Barack Obama started in 2001 has dragged on over eleven---eleven!!!---years longer than the Second World War. Not that we're counting.
JEERS to water, water everywhere. My worst nightmares almost always involve water---water coming through the roof, smashing through the windows, rising from the floor, waves chasing me faster than I can run, cutting off my escape or leaving me stranded. Fuckin' hate it. But considering what's going on in Louisiana (over 7,000 rescues so far…and snakes, so many snakes), I should shut up and quit whining:
[Gov. John bel] Edwards officially requested federal assistance in paying for emergency operations and overtime.
Meanwhile, an untold number of motorists have been stranded almost 24 hours on a string of islands surrounded by deep water crossing Interstate 12. […]
About 5,050 people spent last night in shelters, said Marketa Garner Walters, secretary of the state Department of Children and Family Services. But that doesn’t include a number of ad hoc shelters that were opened by churches and other community organizations.
See also Cathy Newman’s DKos diary from yesterday---wow. Here's the United Way web site. Donate if you're so moved. And feel free to shout at clouds this week---they deserve it.
JEERS to today's really exciting game show. It's called Donald Trump or Child Being Potty-Trained? Today's quote comes from Charles R. Black, Jr. All you have to do is guess whether he's talking about Donald Trump or a child being potty-trained:
“He has three or four good days and then makes another gaffe. Hopefully, he can have some more good days.”
If you said Mr. Black was referring to Donald Trump, you win. Although we understand if you thought it was the kid---it’s been ages since Trump has been able to go ”one” day without a gaffe.
CHEERS to an artery's best worst friend. On August 15, 1911, obedient and properly submissive American housewives across the country swooned to the sound of Crisco (short for "crystallized cottonseed oil") glopping into their frying pans and mixing bowls as Procter & Gamble brought it to market. And this month there was a lot of swooning to the best alternative use of Crisco in a generation:
Over a hundred years later, Americans still love it because it lets them enjoy so many sinful foods. And cardiologists love it because it lets them enjoy so many brand-new Porsches.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 15, 2006
JEERS to "Macaca Republicans." Led by Senator George Allen of Virginia, they see people who look different from them and---in 2006, mind you---feel comfortable calling them "monkeys" to their face while supporters lauuugh...and lauuugh...and lauuugh. (Teacherken has a roundup of press coverage here). I say...today we are all macacas. Now, whose turn is it to pick the fleas out of Allen's hair?
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a legend and his legacy. You never saw actor Kenny Baker in Star Wars or its sequels, but he was a huge part of what made them so special. Baker's "stage" was inside R2-D2, and the droid wouldn’t have been nearly as endearing without his wiggles and wobbles to bring it to---odd word here, for a robot---life. Baker was 81 when he died over the weekend, and for Star Wars fans (Hi, my name's Bill) it's a big loss of a little person who always seemed to be having a good time.
R2-D2 was one of the "droids you're looking for" pursued by the Empire in Star Wars because it had the plans to the Death Star. This December's Rogue One: A Star Wars Story tells the story of how those plans made it inside the droid's memory banks in the first place. Last week a new trailer dropped for it. You can watch the two-minute version here, but if you really want to have your socks knocked off, watch the 4½-minute “Super Trailer” compiled by Nick Hedenbeck from all the existing teaser, trailer and sneak-peek convention footage. Ohmigod...
Imperial walkers, a death star eclipse, Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine’s merciless cackle. I can’t wait for this movie---it’s gonna be like a two-hour Republican convention that ends up in a massive loss for the bad guys. I love it when art imitates life, don’t you?
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"What Bill in Portland Maine has been saying is totally crazy, ridiculous, stuff that shouldn't be even...he's totally nuts."
---Robert DeNiro
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