Churchill’s Sweetheart Real Estate Deal!
Associated Press sources have uncovered evidence that Churchill's acquisition of his country house at Chartwell in Kent was only made possible because of a mortgage provided at less than market rates. Perhaps because of Winston’s known proclivity for cognac and fine cigars, many people have said that they just can’t imagine themselves having a beer with the portly politician. They further note that his penchant for florid language and indecorous critiques of his political opponents seems to be a desperate attempt to deflect questions about his health.
Indeed, there appears to be a growing percentage of voters who wonder if his failure to address this controversy (citing his preoccupation with more urgent ‘foreign affairs’) is merely a clever ruse to maintain secrecy and avoid answering the hard questions. In a follow-up report to be issued tomorrow, a prominent Tory has revealed to our sources that there may be an ulterior motive for Churchill’s torpedoing of Chamberlain’s noble attempt to attain Peace with Honor. This concerned leader has indicated that he intends to convene an investigative committee to investigate these very serious charges. He contends that the prior seven investigative committees investigating these charges were hamstrung by insufficient media obsequiousness.
Thus far, Churchill’s response to our inquiries has been typically contemptuous and dismissive.
In other news, Hitler has invaded Poland...