I love the Pootie diaries here that are full of lolspeak, but I’m terrible at writing it so I’m not going to try. Instead, may I present (clears throat) THINGS I’VE SAID TO MY POOTIES!!!
To Freddie
Hello, Little Guy! How’s my little guy?
This doesn’t feel as good to me as it does to you.
Jesus, you’re heavy. How’d you get so heavy?
That’s my shoe. It’s not yours. It probably shouldn’t smell like you.
[Sung to the tune of Lonely Boy by the Black Keys] He’s a hungry booooooooyyyyyyy! He’s a hungry booooooyyyyyy! WHOAAA OH OH OH! FREDDIE’S GOT A GIRL WHO KEEPS HIM WAITIN’!!!
Freddie, it’s a salad. I can guarantee you don’t want any.
Freddie, behave! No one likes a mis-behaver. Except me. I kinda like a mis-behaver.
Freddie, if you come up here I’ll pet you. Don’t you want some pettings? Come up here, I miss you.
Do you want some sushi? Let’s eat some sushi!
Oww, dammit! Put the claws away!
Freddie, I’m bleeding. Look! Look what you did! Ah, you don’t care.
Your ear moved. I know you can hear me.
Freddie, I can see you. The curtains are see-through.
Are you hungry? Freddie! Are you hungry? I can’t tell if you want to eat right now. You’re an enigma, Freddie. An enigma.
Freddie, my foot’s asleep. This isn’t actually comfortable for me.
I need that hand. You can’t lay on it right now.
Are you just going to stare at that cricket? I mean, you have one job in this house and right now you’re not doing it.
I hate to blame the victim here, but you know better than to get in her face when she’s on the catnip.
To Desi
Hello talkie! Do you have something to say?
You know, if you spoke English, you could just tell me what you want. I mean, you’ve lived here for 16 years. Why don’t you speak English?
You. Monkey.
You’re not allowed outside. You know this. We’ve talked about it.
[Sung to the tune of Baby Come Back by Player] Desi come back! I’m not done petting youuuuuu! Desi come back!
Do you want to get some sleep? Should we get some? You and me? Sleep, sleep, sleep!
When did we get a howler monkey?
I know you don’t like your medicine. I just don’t care.
How’s this belly? This belly okay?
Oh, you’re stuck again? You know, this wouldn’t happen if you’d put the claws away sometimes.
Desi, come down! Freddie wants to eat!
Well! Don’t walk in front of me and then stop!
I love this monkey! This is my monkey!
Desi, come here! I miss you!
I would love to get back in bed with you. But I have to go to work. Someone has to put kibble in your bowl.
Am...am I about to get bit right now?
Man, you’re a mean drunk! I’m not giving you catnip anymore if you can’t hold it.
To both:
Animals! Animals, everywhere!
Are you guys hungry? Should we put the food in the bellies?
Freddie, behave! Desi, behave!
I love my guys! These are good guys!
And now the KickStarter.
I’m relatively new here and only recently learned about this project. It seems like a worthy one and I’m proud to say I became a sponsor today. You can too, here. They have 11 days left with a goal of $24,905. Click the link and sponsor two valued community members!
Pootie pads, for anyone who doesn’t know yet, are quilts filled with organic herbs (catnip for cats, lavender and thyme for dogs. They also have people pads!). According to the KickStarter:
However, reports from customers showed us the Pootie Pad is much, much more than a plaything. We heard story after story of how the pad often helped to improve the behavior of cats. We heard:
• Aggressive cats tend to chill out when blissed by our catnip
• Shy cats become approachable and learn to accept petting
• Cats who are anxious about car trips to the vet or “coming home” from adoption calm down when a Pootie Pad is put in their carrier
• Clingy cats will settle wherever the Pootie Pad is placed
• Older cats who spend time on a Pootie Pad feel more comfortable and playful – we think our catnip may soothe aches and pains
I have an old cat who does struggle with some aches and pains (Desi, featured above). She is, as her vet noted last visit, a “tough old bird” but I know her and I see the struggle. If something like this can give her a little comfort then I’m there! You can purchase a Pootie Pad here and I think I might be doing that today as well.
Thanks for reading!