Thousands of clowns’ rights activists are holding rallies today in support of their Constitutional right to keep and wear garbs that express their clownish attitudes, and in opposition to what they term “unconstitutional, ineffective, and unfunny clown regulations”. The rallies come as reports of numerous creepy clown sightings have been making the news, evoking anxiety and fear from coast to coast, and leading some officials to discourage people from dressing as clowns. In North Carolina,
Police say the caller reported a person wearing a scary clown mask, a red curly wig, a yellow dotted shirt, blue clown pants, and clown shoes. Police say another man chased after the clown with a machete, and the clown ran back into the woods and out of sight.
Officers searched the area but didn't find the clown. Police say they encourage people to report suspicious behavior, but say you shouldn't confront someone who may be acting in an unusual manner.
Police say although it isn't against the law to dress as a clown, officials are discouraging this "copycat" behavior that has parents on edge.
Clowns’ rights activists are sounding the alarm about a “creeping fascist state” that aims to criminalize clowns, citing additional recent police statements:
Law enforcement officials in South Carolina have spoken out to whoever is behind the sightings, warning them that they could be prosecuted.
One of the speakers at a Clowns’ Rights March in Washington, Bob “Boom Boom” Smith, president of Clowners of America, proclaimed, in his best 5-year-old voice, "We're in a war. The other side knows they are at war, because they started it. They started it first! They are coming for our freedom, for our money, for our property, for our red, bulbous rubber noses. They are coming for everything because they are a bunch of socialists. And socialists hate clowns."
The crowd -- made up almost entirely of buffoonish men -- used language about war, fighting, mayhem, and slipping on banana peels.
During the rally, Rep. Larry “Loopy” Brown, R-N.C., let out a hysterical laugh and then shouted "We must declare war against oppression, against socialism, against honk-honk horn grabbers, and you are the people to do that!"
Later in the day, activist Tom “Twinkles” McCarthy of Virginia, sporting sad clown make-up, said it was important to take time off of working birthday parties to "raise my silly voice here and support the cause. I’m afraid my grandkids may never even have the opportunity to see someone dressed in a mismatched patchwork frock, big, floppy shoes, and wearing a curly blue wig.” Twinkles then accidentally sprayed water upon startled bystanders from a novelty flower attached to his breast pocket.
Martin “Ding Dong” Douglas of South Carolina presented a scarier, even dystopian vision of the future of clowns. As attendees in the colorful crowd jostled for space and clumsily fell over one another, Ding Dong darkly declared, “Wake up, people! Can you remember the last time you saw a rerun of Bozo the Clown? It’s been years, hasn’t it? Since 2008 to be exact! Are you aware that Krusty is on an extended, forced “vacation” from Simpson’s episodes?! And if you read Breitbart, you’d know that Ronald McDonald has been sent to “Vegan Re-education Camp” where he’s being retrained as an industrious soybean farmer while forced to wear grim, brown boots.”
Across the Potomac River, in Virginia, another group of protesters were defending clowning rights at a different rally. Signs in the crowd pointed to the role of government, with one reading, "My rights come from the Great Clown in the Sky, not from the government." Another simply quoted Kinko the Clown’s now famous challenge, “You’ll pry this novelty, polka-dotted tie from my stiff, oversized yellow gloves.“
Many protesters had large faux bowling pins and rubber chickens strapped to their bodies.
Notably, 2016 is the 35th anniversary of the conviction of serial killer John Wayne Gacy, aka the “Killer Clown”, a connection one speaker was adamant to get away from.
"They want to make this about John Wayne Gacy, which really pisses me off," radio personality Shawn "Loudmouth" Hantie said at the Virginia rally.
One radical pro-clown group, the Joke Keepers, said its allegiance is to Clowning and not the president. The Joke Keepers call on members to disobey any orders, as they put it, "to de-clown the American people" or "to force clowns into detention camps."
Protesters were heartened by supportive Tweets issued by Donald “Assclown” Trump, who said “For my policy proposals on these issues, I have a grade of “A” with the National Clown Association (NCA).”
He later added, “My opponent wants to abolish the right to act crazy and say ridiculous things. But believe me, I’m the most foolish clown to have ever stumbled across the face of the earth. Nothing will ever, ever change that.”