From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
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Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Note: Today is Peculiar People Day. Or as my neighbors now call it: Hello Police Sorry To Keep Bothering You Like This But There's Another Strange Sound and/or Smell Coming From Our Neighbor's Attic Day.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next launch of a SpaceX Falcon rocket: 4
Days 'til the Callanwolde Arts Festival in Atlanta: 11
Number of Hindus and Buddhists in the current Congress, all of them Democrats: 3 each
Portion of Americans who want Congress/Trump to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act without a replacement ready to go, ccording to a Kaiser Health tracking poll: 1-in-5
Number of countries in which the U.S. military dropped an estimated 26,171 bombs in 2016, according to FiveThirtyEight: 7
Number of Republican presidents since Eisenhower who saw a rise in job creation by the end of their time in office, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics: 1 (Reagan)
Number of Democratic presidents who saw a rise in job creation by the end of their time in office: 4 (JFK, LBJ, Clinton, Obama)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Behold the disappearing power of the canine tuchus…
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CHEERS to taking a well-earned victory lap. I wouldn’t be surprised if President Obama's farewell address tonight gets higher ratings than Trump's inauguration, and if that happens it'll be so much fun rubbing it in the Donald's face next week. Boy, what a trip it's been, starting with that day in D.C. when our long national nightmare known as the Bush-Cheney years came to a blessed end as we kicked our national jalopy's gear from "R" to "D"…
The president's speech will be broadcast from Chicago on all the networks at 9ET, or you can watch it at the White House web site. I expect there won’t be many dry eyes in the room. But the good news is that, unlike his predecessor who vanished from sight out of public embarrassment, we ain't seen the last of the Obamas. Not by a long shot.
JEERS to the redneck under the KKKlieg lights. [Sigh] Here we go. Today we begin the dreaded confirmation hearings for a bunch of mostly-horrifying Trump cabinet nominees that the media have already framed as "shoo-ins." All eyes will first be on the Alabama senator and Attorney General nominee whose name---Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the thuuuhrd---sounds like a character from an old Carol Burnett Show sketch. As with so many Dixie conservatives, his white supremacist agenda is couched in the cordiality of southern gentility. He'll slit your throat and watch you bleed to death, but not before informing you that it's a doggone shame he has to do what he has to do…now let's get this over with so I can make it in time for the debutantes ball. I'm embarrassed to say that none other than Maine's "sensible moderate" Susan Collins, twirling parasol in one hand and a julep in the other, is "introducing" him to the hearings as a BFF. The Alliance for Justice has a handy (pdf) summary of Sessions' decades-long unfitness for the post, in which they conclude:
The Attorney General is the ultimate defender of the rights and liberties of all Americans, and Sessions has demonstrated throughout his career that he is incapable of and unqualified for this important role.
Under Sessions’ leadership we would see a reversal of decades’ worth of progress on the advancement of equality for scores of Americans. […]
Sessions’ record evidences hostility toward our core constitutional values: equality, liberty, and justice for all.
AFJ will urge that his record be scrutinized in depth and we believe that Senators who consult their consciences will reject his nomination.
Democrats have more than enough damning evidence to work with. Fortunately, there are some wily yanks on the Judiciary Committee: Franken, Leahy, Durbin, Feinstein, Blumenthal among them. For maximum intimidation, I suggest they all dress in the same color today: Union blue.
CHEERS to planting your flag at the top of First Amendment Hill. Have you heard the "Golden Globe speech heard 'round the world" yet? (Watch it here.) While accepting her Hollywood Foreign Press lifetime achievement award, Meryl Streep defended Hollywood, foreigners and the press as she calmly and eloquently (and without mentioning his name) reminded Americans that a cruel and conniving man is about to become president. This, um, guy…
Trump's brownshirt base, of course, freaked out because they know she's right, which makes their internal gyroscopes go into an uncomfortably off-kilter wobble. Meanwhile the organization the Goddess Meryl promoted during her speech, the Committee to Protect Journalists, is welcoming a big spike in donations---over 1,100 (people, not dollars) as of yesterday afternoon. And just for the record: in 2015 Donald Trump praised "overrated" (as he called her yesterday) Meryl Streep as one of his favorite actresses and "a fine person." The guy’s a human pinball.
JEERS to reform at the speed of tortoise. On January 10, 1878, a constitutional amendment was introduced in the Senate that would give women the right to vote. The amendment was so slow to catch on that it wasn't signed into law for another 42 years. A period more commonly known as the "Era of Wifely Dirty Looks."
CHEERS to forcing one to reap what one hath sown. Watching Great Britain writhe and facepalm in the wake of the "Brexit" vote to ditch the European Union sent a clear signal to the world: the conservatives behind the measure had no fucking idea what they were doing. Many of them went so far as to quit politics entirely to slither out of taking responsibility for the mess. (Among them: Nigel Farage, who plans to move to the United States and rumor has it he's got his eye on Maine, and all I can say is his trees are going to get so toilet-papered every Halloween.) Now they're trying to reduce the damage by pushing the EU to grant them special favors after their exit, and the most powerful leader in Europe is pushing back with a deafening "Nein!"
Angela Merkel today issued a clear signal that she does not intend to give Britain much leeway in its Brexit negotiations---as the EU’s chief Brexit negotiator set an 18 month deadline.
The German Chancellor told her party’s conference that Theresa May’s government would need to respect freedom of movement and the single market as it plots to leave the EU.
“We will not allow any cherry picking,” Merkel said to cheers from 1,000 Christian Democrat Union delegates in the western rust belt city of Essen.
Although she added that she'd consider granting an exception “if ze cherry-picking involves ze production of ze tasty layered pastries.” As I suspected: she's in the pocket of Big Strudel.
JEERS to not paying attention. On January 10, 2001, President-(not)-elect Bush and his "national security" team (Condi Rice and a Steinway baby grand) received their first top-secret Pentagon briefing on military challenges around the world. Judging by their performance over the next eight years, they apparently tuned out somewhere around, "Now listen carefully, this is important..."
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 10, 2007
CHEERS to the iPHONE!!!! It slices! It dices! It makes julian fries at the touch of a button! Turn it upside down and it becomes an all-in-one tire inflator and grout remover! Place a pork roast in the chamber and then..."set it and forget it!!" But wait, there's more! Make deposits and withdrawals with the handy ATM feature! Twist on the rotor attachment and to turn it into your own personal CommuterCopter™! Or add the exclusive Nipple 3.0 and feed your infant 100% pure breastmilk for up to 10 minutes while playing the latest single from Beyonce! And somewhere on it I think there's a phone.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to "Liberace without the piano." I'd be a very bad representative of Mount Vernon, Ohio if I didn’t recognize the dates on which my hometown's best-known spawn entered and exited this world. Sadly, today is not the more celebratory of the two: 35 years ago today, Paul "Center Square" Lynde died at way-too-young 55 in Beverly Hills. In his memory, feast on some zingers...
Peter Marshall: Paul, it is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: The Great White is one of the most feared animals. What is the Great White?
Paul Lynde: A sheriff in Alabama.
Peter Marshall: What should you do if you're going 55 miles per hour and your tires suddenly blow out?
Paul Lynde: Honk if you believe in Jesus.
Peter Marshall: President Nixon doesn’t like to watch the news on television. Why?
Paul Lynde: Because it's on opposite Sesame Street.
Peter Marshall: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?
Paul Lynde: As long as that's as far as it goes.
Peter Marshall: You get a headache right after romance. According to Dr. Thotusen, is there anything wrong with you?
Paul Lynde: No, but I need a softer headboard.
You'll find tons of clips and info at the official Lynde fan site. He was an interesting---and frustrating---transitional figure on the LGBT timeline of the 60s and 70s. Even though his lips never said "I'm gay," his demeanor screamed, "Helloooo!!!" Scores of homophobic fans never figured it out, and their adoring fan mail, including marriage proposals, never stopped filling his mailbox. Liberace may have cried all the way to the bank. But Paul? Oh, he swished.
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Hannity Apologizes for Tweet Seemingly Praising Cheers and Jeers as “Honest Mistake”
---Mediaite
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