CNN’s Jake Tapper had Roy Moore spokesperson Ted Crockett on his show just a short while ago. Tapper hit Crockett with some pretty straightforward questions and the results were … insane. When Tapper first asks Crockett whether or not Roy Moore thinks homosexuality should be illegal, Crockett begins a run about Roy Moore believing in the Mosaic law (including the part where Moses tells people to sexual harass and assault children, I’m guessing?). After Tapper finally gets Crockett to stop droning on about how the United States was founded by the Bible, he gets Crockett to admit that Moore probably does think that homosexuality is illegal. So Tapper asks him, what would Roy Moore think the proper “punishment” for homosexuality be in the United States? Crockett proceeds to sidestep this with the lamest answer.
Crockett:: It’s just a sin, ok?
Tapper: I understand what they tell you in church or what they tell you in synagogue or a mosque —
Crockett: It's what my bible tells me, the old testament and the new testament. That's what this is about.
Yes, this is exactly what this is about. Crockett has a slow-droning, non-modulating style of speaking that sounds like what one might imagine a demon yelling at you for all of eternity in the hell would sound like. Tapper explains that there are many laws that aren’t specifically Mosaic in our country and Crockett cuts Tapper off to ramble like an old senile bigot would at a family barbecue.
Crockett: You seem to want to take the whole -- 2,000 or 3,000 years of our history and y'all want to throw it out the window as if you're going to make your own rules, your own man-made rules and do whatever you want in sin, and that's part of the problem we've got in Washington, D.C. Today, Jake. We've got too many people winging up there. They're fooling with women they shouldn't be fooling with, they ought to love their wives. Roy Moore loves his wife. Kayla loves him. It's clear on television. You can tell that. That's the problem in this country. We need to get back to moral law.
Only 2,000-3,000 years of “our history?” I thought Adam and Eve was like 5,600 plus years ago. Read your Bible, man! And some of those “man-made rules” we have been making include keeping an eye on men who cruise shopping malls to pick up pubescent teens. The finale of the interview is extraordinary as one realizes that Roy Moore supporters and the people Roy Moore employs to represent him have a fundamental lack of understanding the history of basic civics. Basic civics.
Crockett: Because you have to swear on the bible -- when you are before -- I had to do it. I'm an elected official. Three terms. I had to swear on a bible. You have to swear on a bible to be an elected official in the United States of America. He alleges that a Muslim cannot do that ethically swearing on the bible.
Tapper: You don't actually have to swear on a Christian bible. You can swear on anything, really. I don't know if you knew that. You can swear on a Jewish bible—
Crockett: --I swore on the bible. I've done it three times.
Tapper: I'm sure you have. I'm sure you picked a bible but the law is not that you have to swear on a Christian bible. That is not the law. You don't know that?
There is an amazing pause here, long enough to suck the air out of Mr. Crockett’s empty head.
Crockett: Donald Trump did it when we made him president.
Tapper: Because he’s Christian and he picked it. That’s what he wanted to swear in on.
Enjoy?
And if that made you feel bad, you can lighten the mood with this edit, a tip of the hat to our own Gabe Ortiz for sending it my way.