[Content warning: whining. (1) My account name honors a guy whose whining was epic. Compared to his days, chained beside the bodies of his dead brothers, mine are a cakewalk. (2) Some of my chains are in my own mind.]
~~~
Why do I pay taxes? I am proud to support the social goods my (and your) taxes pay for. And when I want to protest, I have skin in the game.
For example, "My taxes paid for the depleted uranium ammunition that is jeopardizing the safety of our own troops and harming the environment!" ← from our war(s) in Iraq
How do I pay taxes? In full, but recently, with some difficulty. The payment plans are reasonable but I can't be on more than one at a time, so ...
To pay my taxes for 2015 and 2016 I've postponed medical care for 2 humans and 1 dog, food, clothing, entertainment and charity. I am sure my family is not alone, paying taxes at the cost of human (and animal) distress and the organist's stipend.
So I’m annoyed that our government is wasting so much of the money I’ve paid to them (as a taxpayer since 1973). Risking the lives of people in the armed forces, in exercises that about ego more than safety. Throwing away precious years of scientifically collected data (or preventing its even being collected) in favor of junk science, firing public servants who have dedicated years to becoming experts in their fields, slowly climbing the ladder, badging in and out and cashing their below-market paychecks. (Now so many are gone, taking their expertise with them.) Dismantling complex organizations set up to provide social goods such as food safety, environmental quality.
Building healthy organizations is hard work. (Some of the world’s best organizational development folks are in our military. They would be happy to explain how to put all the factors in place for people to excel and be effective.) Even if we started now, it'll take a long time to repair the damage ...
The waste.
My brothers and sister Americans in Puerto Rico …
War crimes.
Against our own people. One example of so very many. (Water protectors. People of color on foot OR in cars. Everyone who needs care and protection and isn’t getting it.)
AMERICA, I AM GIVING YOU MY FAMILY’S HARD EARNED MONEY. I WANT YOU TO USE IT FOR THE GOOD OF ALL OF US.
The President calls me stupid for paying taxes. That’s a sign of his disrespect and inattention, but it's even more of an offense that his team (with his party's complicity) is shredding everything I've paid to build up, in my years as a US taxpayer since 1973.
~~~
Stop reading now, unless you’re interested in the more detailed whining.
Like so many, my household has spent this decade one paycheck away from trouble.
In 2016, trouble came. First the flooding (YES climate change related, 100 year events happening much more often etc etc). We took in some flooded-out friends. Then the fire (made worse by an unusually dry summer that is becoming the new normal). The fire department saved the people and animals and surrounding dwellings but couldn't save our apartment complex.
During these events, I spent the money set aside to pay my taxes for 2015. Some of that went to Sanders and Clinton, even though we couldn’t really afford it, small amounts before fundraising deadlines, because grassroots momentum. In October 2016 I got on a payment plan for the feds, and stalled the state for a few months. I thought to myself: my independent contracting job has variable hours, but an OK hourly rate. We'll continue to tighten our belts, catch up in 2017.
And then in 2017 my spouse and I both lost our jobs. (At my workplace, clients decided not to go ahead with their projects, possibly because of the sudden financial and geopolitical uncertainty, and so all the new-project-related jobs, including mine, vanished. In fact the owners kept me on longer than they should have. Hoping.)
I'm no longer hoping, although that’s another rant.
To pay the 2015 state taxes, I sold the best car I've ever owned. (It was an older model but in good condition with the big engine. Not gonna lie, I loved passing people on the uphill.) I sold it for $2700 to a younger family who were thrilled that it was in such good shape and everything still worked. That covered the state taxes and two weeks of rent.
Fairly quickly, my spouse found a new job, a higher hourly rate and more respect, but it’s part time. While applying for jobs myself I've been cleaning houses, driving friends in exchange for gas, scrabbling for short term consulting gigs, registering with temp agencies. This week I started a four month full time contract and I get my first paycheck from that in another 10 days.
October came again this year, I filed, and now I've got to plan how to pay. Here's the recap:
2015 IRS: Payment plan, $100/month.
2015 State: Paid! (Thank you, car.)
2016 State: Payment plan, $160/month, with the first installment due on Christmas Day. I'll have the contract money by then.
2016 IRS: They've asked for $4400 before the next due date for their payment plan for 2015, or they will cancel THAT and garnish both our wages.
Thank you to Mrs Chavez (on the IRS help line) for explaining my options to me so clearly.
This week I'm trying to borrow the $4400 from three sources:
(1) My parents entrusted me with their collection of [redacted] and I have possible buyers. If I can sell the collection this week, I will ask to borrow the proceeds.
(2) A bank pays me $2000 every December (legacy of a church trust from the 70s) and I'm going to beg the trustee to give me double, and early. In lieu of next year's? If it's not against the law for the trustees to do that, it's worth a try.
(3) I'm going to ask two friends for a loan. We've been out of touch because I was ashamed of how I managed these couple of years, so I don't know whether they have liquidity themselves, but I'll ask.
In the case of (1) and (3), I’ll be able to repay them by May, using that $2000 from the bank plus our own surplus from the jobs we once again have, which comes from living on home made frittata.
My parents are in dire straits (or they wouldn't be selling their stuff) but last night my dad handed me a box of cans of chili and baked beans and sardines. I am super grateful for the chance to be here with them and make peace. (I moved here to help take care of them, but most of the energy has gone the other way!)
Our health insurance went away with my spouse's previous job, in February. We jumped into the ACA marketplace, grateful for cheapish basic coverage, even though we both had to change doctors. I forgot to tell the ACA web site when I lost my job in June, so our income will be even lower than they thought and we shouldn't have any surprises from them in the 2017 tax year. (Being optimistic is how I got into the current mess, but ... moving on.)
Where was I? The day to day frustrations of prioritizing rent and taxes.
What have we been spending money on? Instead of saving up for the 2016 taxes?
Rent
Utilities and internet
Credit card interest
Health care for Dog1
The humans' prescription drugs
Occasional dark chocolate
Rent: after the fire, we took the only dog-friendly place we could find in a hurry. It will be a long time before we can afford to move anywhere better.
If the people who wrote the most recent tax bill were sadistic, they might enjoy me describing the humiliations and inconveniences of our current apartment. But I believe they're just indifferent ("the opposite of hatred is not love") and looking out for themselves, so never mind; we're under a roof, with indoor plumbing. (Just like what Puerto Ricans would like to have repaired in a timely fashion.) In the 80s I briefly lived in my car, because of mental illness rather than poverty. The ability to shower, and the clarity to choose to, and the pills that support that clarity: I don't take any of these for granted.
Utilities and Internet: we've been throwing on sweaters and canceling subscriptions, but the free stuff is a comfort that made it possible for me to take consulting contracts from home. Multi tiered web access will increase our isolation and psychic suffering ... and rage. (The Senators are the key to this one, yes?)
Credit card interest: my spouse doesn't have a card, due to past bad credit. I'm paying minimums on two small maxed-out cards, trying to maintain my credit card rating in case times ever improve enough for us to be able to buy anything.
Dog1 is a working dog, who helps with my spouse's anxiety disorder. This year we had to delay Dog1's medical care somewhat but we are now correctly treating her arthritis. My spouse and Dog1 have been together for over a decade while I'm a comparative newcomer. Chocolate is what I hit when I’m anxious.
(This is my third marriage. I'm far better at work than at relationships. Spouse3 and I are going to try to make this one last and I'm grateful for that, too.)
What can’t we afford, until we’ve paid off our taxes owed?
Food
Medical dental and vision care for the humans
Medical care for Dog2
Movies, entertainment, travel
Charitable contributions
Food: the nearby food pantries have literally saved our lives. My spouse is a terrific cook and we've both enjoyed the adventure of here's what the pantry had this week, what can we do with it? Slightly battered vegetables can always be baked into a frittata. Lentils can be soaked and souped and spiced up. I’ve learned how to make vegan peanut sauce (and for awhile I put it on everything.) So we eat well. We just can't eat "out" … it’s not only the food and tip, but we need to save our gas for commuting to our jobs (which, again, I'm grateful for).
When I'm invited to a meetup in a bar or restaurant, I "just drop by to say hi" and tell them "I'm not hungry." Because I'm going home to eat more frittata! If there's a downturn in people eating fast food or restaurant meals, the many people in our situation might be the cause.
Of course we have a huge cookup every weekend and pack our weekly lunches. I remember in 2014 when I was making $11/hour at an outsourced call center. Everyone on our team was poor, so we had our own economy, fixing each other's cars, cutting each other's hair, bringing food from home. In my town, $11/hour is not enough to afford one's own bedroom (even with roommates) and a phone plan and transport all together. In my case, my parents were paying for my phone, which at my age is super embarrassing.
Travel: I’ve met only one of my many newish in-laws. Last year we had planned a trip (and booked the time off) to visit Spouse3’s entire family, but the fire intervened.
The meta-whine here is that I resent that all of us, the working poor, spend so much mental and physical energy just getting by. it's much more work to be poor (than it is to be comfortable), and it's even more work to be homeless and mentally ill (than it is to grit my teeth and scrounge and live on home made frittata). And yet apparently I take my obligations more seriously than do so many wealthy people.
My spouse found that Groupon for Costco and joined us up, but we still can't afford to buy much there. On our most recent visit we bought one bottle of vitamins and a four-pack of warm socks. Then we both had hot dogs ($3).
Charitable contributions: earlier this year I told my church that I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my pledge. Embarrassing, but privately so, and they were cool about it. (I attend an activist, welcoming church that acts out of love, not hate; it’s sad that I have to clarify that.)
Dog2: Dog1 is getting old and when she "retires" my spouse will be devastated. So we've been looking for a second rescue dog and in October a friend offered us a sweet dog FOR FREE. (Again, gratitude!) But Dog2 does have medical issues and we need to get her to the vet soon.
Human health stuff: we've both put on hold our own medical care, mental and physical, because I can't afford the $50 per visit fee. Essentially our health coverage is for existing prescription refills and in case of catastrophe. We pushed our 2017 medical and dental care into 2018 (risking a new plan because we’re both now working again, albeit at lesser jobs than the ones we lost). My spouse now needs eyeglasses but is making do with "readers"; I've got one scratched pair and am being VERY careful with them because I'm legally blind.
Sometimes I just have to laugh. I've been selling stuff in person and on ebay (where I have a perfect record), but after the first big sale, ebay embargoed the money for what turned out to be a month, because I hadn't sold anything in the last 90 days. That was going to be rent money, but it had to be rent money for the next month.
My tax preparer refused to file until I paid their fee in full, so on the filing deadline day I took the rings from several of my previous relationships (see above) to a pawn shop that buys gold. And most of them were only 9 carat and the buyer requires 10 carats and above, so all I got was $100. I've always used a tax preparer (that church trust thing adds complexity) and I enjoyed being able to deduct the tax preparer fee. (Contacted your representative?)
My work clothes are 15-30 years old except for one pair of Dockers that I bought five years ago. This temp job pays $15/hour, on a W-2, because I don't think I can face more independent contractor drama (cash flow management) right now. (Hats off to everyone who is still making that work.) My spouse has two supportive dogs, and I have you-all to whine to. We have a lot of inexpensive fun, because our friends aren't snobs.
And of course I'm pondering running for office; nowadays, who isn't? I have nothing left to lose, and apparently the three marriages wouldn't be an issue ...
In summary: I pay taxes because I value what they ought to be spent on and what they could still mean for us all. And when I see OUR hard-earned money wasted, I rattle my chains, to hide the sound of my heart breaking. Thanks for reading my first diary! All feedback welcome.