I’m having a party this Sunday. A musician’s party. Generally musicians have to work on St. Patrick’s Day. So I’m having my party two days later. Anyway I’m trying to get a hold of my cousin to find out the head count and what time he thinks he and his friends can show up. And he’s really hard to get a hold of because he’s so busy. So I posted the following on his Facebook page.
And the way I posted it on Facebook is the way I’m keeping it here. Because I think it’s funnier. That is regarding things like, he said, she said, and quotation marks. However I will change some typos I discovered. It’s just funny and I laughed my ass off writing it.
This little thing means nothing in the grand scheme of things. But I do think it’s a more creative way of saying, call me it’s important, when you’re trying to get a hold of someone who is hard to get a hold of. Hope you enjoy. And there is a cryptic question afterwards.
(Revised version)
Where are you?
Does anybody know where he is?
Come in Rangoon, come in Rangoon.
Do you read me? Over.
Rangoon, this is a 42-20. Come in? Over.
Rangoon, I know I don't have to remind you there is a time limit on this operation. Over.
RANGOON THIS IS AN XK RED 27 PROTOCOL. DO YOU READ ME? Over.
He's not responding. Maybe he's in deep cover.
come in...ran...goon, come in...ran...goon. do, you,...read me...over. sigh. We're doomed.
We need to reach him. He's the only one who knows the information, the codes, the time. What are we going to do?
We could send in an intermediary questioning all his known agents and associates. That will take forever. Wait, isn't that him? Who? That guy over there. Where? I can't see...Look that guy right there. Sigh. That's not him, that's the Unbox Therapy guy. Oh. He didn't have his hat on, from behind it looks just like him. Well, we have no choice we have to go to the Big W. It's standard operating procedure in these matters. I heard that there has been some damage to the Big W. Now it just looks like an Italic V. Is that relevant? No. I guess not. Well then. Great, California road trip.
Take it easy. take it easy. Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy. You may loose or you may..I hate the fucking Eagles.
Well...um, OK.
Mississippi Queen, You know what I mean
Mississippi Queen, She taught me everything
Went down around Vicksburg, around Louisiana way
Where lived the Cajun Lady, aboard the Mississippi Queen
You know she was a dancer, she moved better on wine..Good, keep thinking like that.
Do you have your shoe phone? Shit.
Well I was playing Foosball earlier.
And you need sneakers for that. You do if you don't want to look like a dork. Dork? Yes dork. It's an industry term...Look it's just a quick stop and we'll be on our way. Do you want a pop tart? Will you come on, we have to go. Well, I want a pop tart. Do you think people are on our tail? What are you worried about? They'll probably miss you and hit me. Geeze....I'm sorry, it’s just, we are in haste. OK. I'm ready.
Some time later that day:
Well we're here, finally. Shall we split up? No, lets just...refresh. There's a bench. Here comes someone. He might know something. He doesn't look like he knows anything. He looks like he's just wondering around. Lets talk to him anyway. Sir, can we talk to you for a minute? Sir, please, can we talk to you? Sir...Yes, who are you? We're...nobody really, we're just looking for a friend of ours. We thought you might have seen him. Who is he? Well, first what's your name. Hugh. Me? No Hugh. You are me? No, Hugh. My name is Hugh Simon. I'm a doctor of music.
Can you fix a HiFi? No.
I've got no use for this guy.
Will you knock it off. I'm trying to...I'm sorry. Never mind him, he hasn't had a pop tart in 5 hours. Can you tell me if you've seen Rangoo...I mean She...I mean this guy. I'm sorry it's not a very good picture. Well, I don't know who he is, but he is definitely not himself. But.. sir...don't go...HUGH, do you know him? Have you seen?...He just walked away. He didn't answer my question. He just walked away. I told you he was a nut. Shall we stick around here or what? I'm beginning to think California is a bust, and this was a big mistake.
Well I'm hungry. Me too. Lets go to pancakes house. NO pancakes. I want a steak, and a beer. We'll...go get pancakes before we leave tomorrow. We never get to do anything I want. Look get your pancakes now, or get your pancakes tomorrow. I don't care. I'm getting a steak and a beer. Anyway, everybody knows a good steak house serves pancakes.
No they don’t.
Yes they do.
No they don't.
Yes they...Hey what's that? That right there. By that rock. DON'T, pick it up. Here's a stick. It's...it looks...it's a women's little toe, with nail polish on it.
EWWE. Lets get out of here.
The next day:
California is weird. Do you ever think it was different? It was probably different before industry came, then it was the same. Hey those pancakes were pretty good. I guess, we're, heading out?
Lets stop by the Big W one more time. I mean, it couldn't hurt.
Jesus Christ. What's going on here? It's like Grand Central Station. All those cabs, and cars, and people running around. What the fuck? Lets check it out. Here comes a pretty lady.
Are you with them?
Who?
The people looking.
We're looking for a friend of ours.
Are you with them? I was with them, but now I just want to go to a convent. Well, if it means anything, you're too pretty to lock yourself up in a convent.
Well, thank you, but, I don 't know what to do. I'm the only person who knows where the money is and I wasn't even looking. I don't know what to do. Are you in danger? No, I don't think so, but I don't know.
Well we're just looking for a friend of ours. We're going to look around for him for a while. Why don't you sit on this bench right here and gather yourself. And we'll be back. Then maybe we can take you somewhere safe. What's tour name? Violet. What a beautiful name, that's my mom's favorite flower. That's sweet. But watch out. Those people are dangerous. They might hit you over the head with a shovel.
Jesus Christ, what have we gotten into?
Be careful. Thanks lady.
Don't worry. You have your shoe phone. Shoe phone-shovel, shoe phone shovel. The shovel wins every time.
Come on. We're agents for Christ sake.
Yeah but the foe is a crazy mob of unpredictable civilians, they're more dangerous. Yeah but they're after money, I guess, and we just looking for She..Rangoon.
Come on lets go. Lets walk through these bushes. Hide ourselves a bit.
Some time later:
Well here we are, sitting on this bench, looking at a crazy mob of unpredictable civilians digging under the Big Italic V. The good news is they could care less about us.
Sigh. come in..ran...goon. Rangoon here. What's your 20 good buddy?
I-GORE, FROED-RICK.
Where the Hell have you been? I was so worried. I'm so glad to see you. How long have you been here? Can you believe what's going on? Look at these people. Yeah that crazy guy in the windbreaker ran me off the road. Are you OK? Yeah. Listen we should leave, before danger happens. Don't have to tell me twice. We might have to take a lady to a convent though, if she's still there.
So I have a menu. And if I do say so myself it's...epical. All I need from you is a head count and time. I want to say around 8 or 9 mpm. If that's OK.
What's on the menu? You won't believe it. I'm making a full course appetizer, whiskey glazed things, an amazing soup, and a dessert in honor of Holly, because of the chocolate issue. So gather your people and let them know. It sounds great. So what time...
Hey, that lady is still here.
Hi, Violet, we found our friend. I'm glad. Do you want us to take you somewhere? Yes I do. Where? Africa. Africa? Africa? I'm game. We're off to Africa. But we have to be back by the 19th.
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
Doddle, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo,loo,
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
Doodle, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo,
Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you.
I bless the rains down in Africa,
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had…
The End
mpm?