Reaction was swift today as news of Trump’s roll back of Obama’s signature environmental regulations, designed to create a clean energy future and combat global warming, traveled to all corners of our rapidly overheating planet.
Many say this action seriously damages America’s credibility as a leader in the effort to reign in the rapid rise in global temperatures, and puts the Chinese into the premier position to control future action on this issue.
The Japanese were not pleased to have the most aggressive competitor in their region become even more dominant on such a crucial issue. The Japanese response unleashed their anger over Trump’s action where they felt the message would be most effectively heard.
To avoid creating an international incident, which would have resulted had they delivered their message in Washington, the Japanese chose instead to target their displeasure somewhere closer to Trump’s heart.
In the hope of breaking through the bubble of “alternative” facts which makes Trump impervious to the reality shared by the other nine billion people on the planet, the Japanese message was delivered forcefully and succinctly.
Said the Japanese representative, Mr. Gojira, “If Trump acts to destroy the one place, the one planet, we all call home, just to bring back a few doomed coal mining jobs, we felt the only fitting response was to ensure that he too no longer has a place to call home.”
First Lady Melania Trump was home alone in Trump Tower when Mr. Gojira arrived with his message. Always seeking to avoid being in the public spotlight, she quickly fled the crumbling Tower in Air Force 2, which had been urgently dispatched to retrieve her to the White House.
As Air Force 2 lifted off the Trump Tower helipad, the First Lady surprised everyone by revealing one of her rumored cyborg enhancements, dealing Mr Gojira a counter-blow with the heat vision upgrade Trump had installed when her ordered her from the secret Russian android factory where she was assembled.
On hearing of this, Trump chuckled, “That was money well-spent!, even if I stiffed them on paying the bill for her.”
At press time there was no word whether the Russian Mafia and oligarchs, who occupy several floors of Trump Tower, had escaped before the Japanese messenger arrived. Several requests for information on their status submitted to the Kremlin received no response, but observers in the Ukraine reported some ominous troop movements in the direction of their border.
New York Mayor Bill deBlasio made a statement to the press, “Now that the New York Police Department is relieved of the expense of guarding Trump Tower, balancing the city’s budget should be easy. We’ll even have enough surplus funds left over to buy every New Yorker a pony.”
Meanwhile, in North Korea, Kim Jong Un announced that with Mr. Gojira away from the region, this would be a perfect time to stage more nuclear tests.
As the door to Air Force 2 closed before lifting off, the First Lady was heard to say reluctantly, “The choice to die in the Tower’s collapse or to have to sleep with him in the White House tonight was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. If it weren’t for little Barron, I might have made a different choice.”