Dear God, save us.
Voldemort has a new interview with Time that was just published. It is scary because he opens his small, butthole mouth and he says things. Things that don’t make sense.
I’m sure Voldemort had to, uh, “prime the pump” for the interview. That’s an expression he just made up, see, even though I knew it anyway. And Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass were standing RIGHT THERE for this interview, whispering in his ear about what a fantastic job he’s doing fucking up our country making America great again!
Here are some gems:
On the job
I find the job very natural for me. I find–it’s a very big job obviously, there’s no job big like this. No job is important like this. But I think some of the–I just think it’s something that works for me, it feels very natural to me.
It feels “natural” to you because you like to bully people, make them cry, kick them out of the country, or kill them. You’re just not used to other folks telling you you can’t do those things, dumbass. And you don’t even know what’s in the Constitution, oy.
On deal making in business vs. deal making in Washington
It’s never different. I think it’s never different. It’s always the same. You have to know your subject. And that would be the misconception of misconceptions for that. I mean, it’s not that I–look, I always had health care for my company. But it’s not that I–it was just something that wasn’t high on my list. I had people that negotiated for my company.
But in a short period of time I understood everything there was to know about health care.
ROTFL!! Yeah, OK, sure. Whatever you say, Big Guy. Hey! Do you know what a printing press is, Donald? I just invented one, and I know everything there is to know about it! I’m doing an AMA later on Reddit, motherfucker!
On whether the White House is too combative
I think it is. It could be my fault. I don’t want to necessarily blame but there’s a great meanness out there that I’m surprised at. I mean I’m surprised.
Are you, now, really?! You spiteful, vindictive, tiny-fingered shitgibbon you. THIS ENTIRE FUCKING COMBATIVE ATMOSPHERE IS YOUR FAULT, DICKWEED! Say, how’s your Muslim Ban going? Still in the courts, is it? Gee, it’s so … so nice and friendly! Totally not combative, no no, not even a teeny tiny bit!
I can’t post much more from the article, re: Fair Use rules, but you should read the whole interview. It absolutely sucks.
From the “fucking hell did he just say and Barron knows The Cyber?” files:
You know the catapult is quite important. So I said what is this? Sir, this is our digital catapult system. He said well, we’re going to this because we wanted to keep up with modern [technology]. I said you don’t use steam anymore for catapult? No sir. I said, "Ah, how is it working?" "Sir, not good. Not good. Doesn’t have the power. You know the steam is just brutal. You see that sucker going and steam’s going all over the place, there’s planes thrown in the air."
It sounded bad to me. Digital. They have digital. What is digital? And it’s very complicated, you have to be Albert Einstein to figure it out. And I said–and now they want to buy more aircraft carriers. I said what system are you going to be–"Sir, we’re staying with digital." I said no you’re not. You going to goddamned steam, the digital costs hundreds of millions of dollars more money and it’s no good.
Next year: Fred Flinstone cars, everybody! Invest now.
/sighs heavily
I need a drink and it’s not even 10 am. Cheers!