The word is that Trump chose General Kelly to replace Priebus as White House Chief of Staff because he wants someone who can bring order to the WH.
Well, Trump has got the right man for that job. The General has already formulated a two part plan of attack that will have order in the WH quicker than his Marines got into Baghdad.
Phase One: Medication Adjustment
All that caffeine Trump takes in? Done. History. It’s herbal tea or spring water from now on.
Those testosterone shots he takes to compensate for the Minoxidil he sucks down for his hair problem? Trump is going cold turkey on Day One. And that phony doctor with the beard who’s been prescribing the testosterone? He’s on the first plane to Guantanamo. He can malpractice on the other detainees.
Dr. Beard gets replaced with three shifts of psych techs, big no-nonsense guys who will make sure Trump takes his new meds on time, all his new meds. This will include sedatives, tranqulizers, and every other form of mood stabilizer known to medical science, in quantities sufficient to stabilize the chaos in the WH.
Phase Two: Operational Security
All of Trump's electronic devices get smashed into little bits. No TVs in any rooms Trump is allowed to enter. No contacts with persons not authorized by the Chief of Staff.
Most important-- no speeches until Phase One is complete. No speaking at that point either, because by then nothing will be coming out of Trump's mouth but drool.
The Chief of Staff will then handle all of Trump's communication needs with the outside world, to make sure the presidential will is not misinterpreted, as can happen if all that comes out of one’s mouth is drool. If there are any potential breaches of security within the WH, people who claim that the president’s will is other than what the Chief of Staff says it is, well, there’s planes leaving for Guantanamo every day, with plenty of empty seats.
Any Questions?
Okay, sure, no doubt this plan will bring order to the WH, but there will be questions about the cost to our political system. After all, if the president himself is the source of disorder to the point of chaos, because he’s some combination of criminal plus demented, then doesn’t our constitutional system already have mechanisms in place to deal with that, mechanisms that don’t involve the military taking over the WH and imprisoning the president?
Well, children, you constitutional mechanism enthusiasts, here's a question for you. Where are these mechanisms? The president is obviously demented and probably a crook, an embarrassingly petty crook at that. His dementia and criminality have obviously rendered him unfit to hold the office he currently occupies. He's a source of chaos and disorder. It is the clear, and every day more pressing, duty of the cabinet and the Congress to remove him for his obvious unfitness.
But instead of doing their obvious duty, cabinet and Congress instead turn to the military to come in as WH Chief of Staff to clean up their mess. Fair enough. The US military does seem to be the last bit of the government that still works, so we will step in and clean up your mess. But you’ve already decided that the cleanup method is not going to be at all according to the Constitution, but will instead rely on military methods.
If there are any further questions, just hold them until we can arrange more flights to Guantanamo.