From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
A Peek Inside the Mighty Kossack Headbone
Yes, we do keep track of C&J poll results and use them to plot our takeover of the blogosphere. Here's a recap of some votes from the second quarter of 2017 that prove what a bunch of ---[yawn]---shrill far-left fanatics you are. (Total number of votes in parentheses---eat yer heart out, Gallup):
» Only 5 percent of you believe it's appropriate for a president to launch missiles at another country while eating chocolate cake at a luxury resort while sitting next to a major world leader who's not an ally. (3,251)
» 100 percent believe that Britain should ignore Trump's demand for a ride in the Queen's gold carriage during his next trip to Britain. (4,757)
» 93 percent believe recreational marijuana should be legalized nationwide for adult use. (4,093)
» Among trump's cabinet members, you deemed attorney general Jeff Sessions as the most embarrassing (64%), followed by education secretary Betsy DeVos (14%) and EPA administrator Scott Pruitt (10%). (4,898)
» In May Democrats scored a victory in the budget agreement. Among the provisions, 28% were happiest to see mandated funding for ACA subsidies, followed by funding for Planned Parenthood at 22% and zero funding for Trump's border wall at 18%. (3,926)
» 98 percent agree that Rep. Raul Labrador is a fucking idiot for saying that "Nobody dies because they don’t have access to health care." (3,797)
» 41 percent think Robert Mueller is a "great" choice to lead the independent investigation into Trump's Russiagate scandal, while 38 percent think he's a "good" choice. (4,171)
» Only six percent of you have ever placed your hands on a glowing orb of omnipotence. And I genuinely feel sorry for the 94 percent of you who haven't. (2,151)
» 97 percent of you are dead-set against Trump's escalation of our 16-year war in Afghanistan. (4,246)
» 30 percent of Kossacks have an openly-LGBT member of their immediate family, while 32 percent have one in their extended family. (2,257)
As always, we bow to your superior wisdom. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Note: Now that the July 4th holiday is over, it's time for the annual post-fireworks Counting of Fingers. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and…goat hoof grafted thumb replacement makes ten. Woo hoo!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Labor Day: 61
Days 'til Comic-Con San Diego: 15
Number of "hate posts" deleted every week by Facebook: 66,000
Additional screeners Facebook plans to hire in addition to the 4,500 they have now: 3,000
Current number of jobs in the coal, natural gas, and oil business, down from 1.18 million in 1981 according to the Labor Dept.: 655,000
Percent of Americans who won’t be taking a summer vacation this year, mostly because they can’t afford it, according to an AP-NORC poll: 43%
Number of counties in Alabama that refuse to issue any marriage licenses so they won’t have to issue any to same-sex couples: 7
Number of weapons turned in by Colombia's rebel forces as part of the peace agreement they made with the government: 7,132
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Mid-week Rapture Index:
182 (including 4 famines and a herd of them dang-blasted devil-worshipping DemocRATS). Soul Protection Factor 20 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: I don’t mind the dog wandering onstage. But yawning during a performance is just rude.
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CHEERS to focus. Now that we're back from our whopping one day of vacation, it's time to return to the most important task at hand. News flash: it's not Trump's tweets:
Just because it was the weekend leading into the Independence Day holiday doesn't mean there weren't developments for Republicans' plans to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act. Here's what you might have missed:
Despite tweets on Friday from President Donald Trump and several high-profile Republican senators, the "repeal, then replace later" option is not really on the table and isn't something that will be pursued by GOP leadership as they try to pull together the 50 votes they need to pass their health care plan. Negotiations are continuing as planned for a proposal that repeals and replaces Obamacare simultaneously.
As CNN reported Friday, there is almost no chance senators will vote on a health care bill the week senators return from recess. Expect the health care negotiations to be a multi-week process.
You know the drill: keep making those calls to your senators. And get creative---ask tough questions about your particular situation that'll make them realize they have no idea what's in the bill or how it will affect their constituents. Nothing like a little embarrassment to make 'em think twice about the bomb that's about to drop in their lap and explode in 2018.
CHEERS to joining the naysayers. Trump's "Election Integrity" Commission, which, make no mistake, is just a tissue-paper-thin excuse to collect massive amounts of voter data to be used for Republican voter suppression efforts, is running into a buzzsaw of resistance among the several states. Mississippi's secretary of state told commission head Kris Kobach to take a long walk off a short pier into the Gulf of Mexico, Maryland's attorney general called the commission "repugnant," and over 40 other states agreed and won’t supply the data. To that list you can add Maine's secretary of state, Matt Dunlap, who is one of the few Democrats actually sitting on the commission:
Maine Secretary of State Matthew Dunlap has changed course and decided against releasing detailed information about every registered voter in the state to the Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity.
Dunlap said he met Monday with Attorney General Janet Mills and she advised him that releasing Maine’s Central Voter Registration files to the commission would violate state laws that protect personal voter-registration data from being made public. […] “The inbox at the Secretary of State’s Office filled right up (after the story), but I’m not surprised by that, especially when you have an issue like this,” Dunlap said Monday. […] "By releasing this information, it could have a chilling effect on getting people to register to vote.”
Without the data, Kobach and his co-conspirators will have little to do but pick their noses and scratch their butts. It'll be the most productive things they've ever done.
P.S. Minnesota weighs in…
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CHEERS to fast-acting, extra-strength Resistitol. Too funny---Lord Dampnut thought he'd be clever and drop in on Britain for a little visit after his G-20 summit without protesters finding out about it and mobilizing. Ha ha ha…big dummy:
Remember, [Prime Minister Theresa] May invited Trump for a state visit to the UK on her visit to Washington shortly after President Trump’s inauguration. Trump even pressed for a ride with the Queen in her ceremonial golden carriage as part of his excursion. But Trump reportedly got cold feet after it became clear that almost everyone in Britain hates him and planned to stage massive protests during his time in the country. […]
The UK papers are full of stories this morning about various civil society groups making preparations for snap protests on the days in questions, if Trump does attempt to sneak into London with only a few hours notice. And that may have been the final straw. After these reports, just in last couple hours, Sean Spicer told The Financial Times that President Trump will not be visiting the UK anytime during his European trip. “While he looks forward to visiting the UK, it will not be in the next two weeks.”
As always, C&J's catapults are loaded with haggis and ready for launch at the orange despot, should he try and sneak in. All we ask, Britain, is that you be very precise with your coordinates. We'd hate to take out Big Ben by mistake.
CHEERS and JEERS to the blue, white and red. Meaning, blue skies giving the sun carte blanche to turn white people red. It was a picture-perfect Maine holiday/summer-vacation weekend (we hope yours was nice, too), all wrapped up with fireworks that sent the dog scurrying for cover. Meanwhile we read that this happened next door to us:
A man igniting a sparkler in New Hampshire has accidentally set fire to fireworks he had in his SUV, causing them to explode and sending him and his family scrambling for safety. The Pembroke Fire Department says when it responded Sunday fireworks were exploding from inside the vehicle. Firefighters say they extinguished the fire without incident.
Thus answering the question: what kind of idiots need to watch those government videos of mannequins getting blown up by fireworks so they won’t blow themselves or others up with fireworks like the mannequins in those government videos?
CHEERS to the T&A Revolution. On July 5, 1946, the bikini debuted at a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in Paris. It was created by men. Shocking, huh.
CHEERS to the Great Backfire of Aught Seventeen. Seems the more Trump tweets about his hatred of the reality-based media, the more the American people embrace them:
Cable news outlets are pulling huge ratings and reporters are becoming overnight celebrities as the attacks between President Trump and the media enter strange new territory. The White House has agitated for the fight, believing that every day it spends feuding with the media exposes further press bias and energizes the conservative base.
But Trump’s claim that MSNBC host Mika Brzezinski was “bleeding badly from a face-lift" unified the media, with anchors from Fox News to CNN expressing outrage at the president’s tweets and pointing to them as evidence that the press should not treat Trump like a normal president. […]
According to Nielsen’s second quarter ratings, MSNBC’s total viewers are up 73 percent year-over-year, with prime-time viewership up 86 percent, easily making it the fastest growing cable news outlet. … CNN has still grown 25 percent in total viewers and 10 percent in prime time year-over-year. … It’s a stark departure from the pre-Trump era, when sagging ratings provoked a move away from breaking news and political programming.
On the one hand, kudos to our Idiot-in-Chief for proving that the multitudes prefer truth and honest perspective over conspiracy theories and up-is-downism. On the other hand, goddamn him for putting me, temporary as it may be, on the same side as Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 5, 2007
CHEERS to declarations of independents. Sure it's early, but it's still worth noting that independent voters---who now apparently make up nearly a third of the electorate---are leaning heavily Democratic, according to a new report by the Kaiser Foundation and Harvard:
The new survey underscores the Republican Party's problems heading into 2008. Fueled by dissatisfaction with the president and opposition to the Iraq war, independents continue to lean heavily toward the Democrats. Two-thirds said the war is not worth fighting, three in five said they think the United States cannot stabilize Iraq, and three in five believed that the campaign against terrorism can succeed without a clear victory in Iraq.
The report also says "Independents broadly favored the Democrats on Iraq, health care, global warming, social issues such as abortion and gay marriage, corruption in government, managing the federal government, and dealing with the deficit."
Republicans did, however, trounce Democrats at "smelling musky." Personally I'm willing to cede that hill.
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And just one more…
JEERS to kicking sand in your state’s face. New Jersey governor Chris Christie---such a pathetic figure that he was deemed too stumble-bumble for a supporting role in the Trump administration---couldn’t hammer out a budget with the legislature, so he shut down the government including the beaches. Then, as you’ve no doubt heard by now, Christie choppered himself out to his governor’s beach mansion for a little quality time with the family. An asshole move, for sure, but at least some great memes came out of it. Two of our faves...
Christie’s approval rating stands at 15 percent. Five words: single digits, here he comes.
Happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
R2-D2 Auctioned Off For $2.76 Million, Likely Not to Bill in Portland Maine Whining About Power Converters
---Gizmodo
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