We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule, yes? A staple of most moral and ethical foundations, which we all learned when we were about five. As Wikipedia, the modern-day Fount of Knowledge, states:
The Golden Rule (can be considered as a law of reciprocity in some religions) is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated. It is a maxim of altruism seen in many human religions and human cultures.
The Golden Rule is a wonderful principle, encouraging self-awareness and empathy, and asking us to do unto others, as we would have done to ourselves. Sounds good, right? Well… I learned another Rule this past weekend that I think might be relevant too- so please grab a nice beverage of your choice, and hop below the Story Break with me to talk Platinum. After a word from our sponsor, of course...
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As a member of my Unitarian Universalist church, I’ve volunteered for many years (at least 20) as a religious educator for and with youth in grades 7-12. Last year I worked with Grades 7-8 teaching a fantastic sexuality education program, and this year I’m wearing two hats: working with grades 9-10 in their Coming of Age program (the equivalent Jewish/Christian milestones would be a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Confirmation), and spending time as an advisor for the Grades 9-12 Youth Group. One is a curriculum-based group, the other is a social/social action/worship group led by the youth themselves. This past weekend was a two day retreat to kick off the year for both groups.
In Coming of Age and Youth Group — as well as every UU group I’ve ever been in be it an adult class/committee/other group or a youth religious education class- one of the first acts as the group meets for the first time is to craft a Covenant. This Covenant is a set of guidelines that members of the group promise to uphold as a way to create a safe space in which participants feel safe sharing and being open about their thoughts. In general, it includes things such as:
Speak for yourself (ie “I think that...” rather than “we can all agree that...”
Assume good will in others
Respect personal space and privacy.
Respect confidentiality (ie you can share what topics we talked about, but not who said/did what)
Our youth are well-versed in creating Covenants, and actually are quite good both about making sure the needs of the particular group are met (for example, this group made sure to include “Have fun!” in both their Covenants) as well as discussing how to point out when someone is violating the Covenant. They’re pretty self-regulatory :). Because they’re a group with a history, some of the items they add have a history, certain words or phrases that need to be explained to newcomers (ie me, as it’s my first time working with the Youth Group). And it’s in that context that I first heard the term Platinum Rule. Someone asked what it meant, and here’s what the keepers of the institutional memory, aka the 11-12th graders, said:
The Platinum Rule goes one step beyond the Golden Rule. If the Golden Rule is “Treat others as you want to be treated”, the Platinum Rule is “Treat others the way THEY want to be treated”.
TREAT OTHERS THE WAY THEY WANT TO BE TREATED
The examples they gave included using the pronouns others ask you to use, and respecting that what is OK for you in terms of comfort or personal space may not be OK with another person. Specifically, just because you like hugs if you are upset, if someone else does not, then Don’t Do It.
The more I thought about it, the more I decided the Platinum Rule was a better way to live. Instead of assuming everyone else wants to be treated the way I want to be, isn’t it better to treat someone the way they want to be treated? It feels a lot to me like “if someone tells you you’re being offensive or racist or sexist or transphobic or whatever… instead of protesting you weren’t, believe it and work to NOT be so anymore.” It’s harder to do so, because it involves understanding another person well enough to know what they want, and then accepting it may not be what you want or thought they wanted.
It doesn’t absolve you of the Golden Rule, of course… but the way I’m thinking of it now, the Golden Rule is a sort of baseline place to start. Be Gold until you discover what you can do to be Platinum. I’m going to try to do so. What about you?
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From Wee Mama:
Tuesday’s News Roundup had
this rich comment, from
pr0gressivist, which is almost a good news round-up all by itself!
From noweasels:
Comes this comment from mariachi mama about the response from the Pr*sident to the crisis in Puerto Rico.
Highlighted by ozsea1:
Is this comment by jsteve7, on the price ‘Repukes’ are paying for selling their soul, politically.
Highlighted by stlawrence:
Is this fine and highly recommended comment by rugbymom, on 45, Kaepernick, and the roots of the NFL protest.
From yours truly, brillig:
Jen Hayden shared After Trump tweeted a meme about her fallen husband and the anthem, Pat Tillman's widow speaks out. Seraphiel mentioned what likely is Trump's bottom baseline support percentage, beginning a thread in which polecat brought up that Cheney’s went lower, According to Fish explained why, and polecat brought it all together.
Top Mojo ala mik!
For Monday, September 25, 2017, first comments and tip jars excluded. Thank you mik for the mojo magic! For those of you interested in How Top Mojo Works, please see his diary on the subject.
Top Pictures
2017-09-26, courtesy of jotter!