You all pretty much know my journey through chronic pain since I have written about it half a gazillion times ! (like most of my posts lol) We have been together from the start and you have helped me get through it ! I probably would not have the same outlook if not for the DK community ! Well my journey has taken yet another detour, seems like I can’t just have chronic pain, I have to have other issues screwing up that fun !.
Living with chronic pain is a huge pain in the ass ( sorry !) It affects not just you but everyone in the house and even close friends. Everyone has a different journey since no two of us are built as exact copies and so we all have different sources of pain. ( Yeah shut it about twins, even identical twins have small differences ) Mine has been centered around my spine both lower and more recently upper. Then life decided to throw me a curve and add cancer to the mix, not once but TWICE ! Great so I gear up for more fighting. I am stubborn and hard headed. Just ask my wife and mom. Both will tell you I am the most hard headed stubborn person they know ( they don’t think it’s a compliment ! I DO !) I work with my doctors to beat back the cancer. It is still too soon to declare victory, specially since the dang bladder cancer had come back within a year but I am fighting. I expected sometime in the future that life would again throw me a curve ball and add my knees to my pain mix. They have had some damage when I was growing up and carrying around 300 plus pounds for years can’t be great. What I did not expect was new pain in my hips.
Time to celebrate ! I got me new pain ! Yippie ! Oh wait more like “Oh Crap” ! Trying to sleep already is an adventure. Pain wakes me up a lot ! Lack of sleep worsens my grumpy moods. Grumpy moods don’t help my pain, rather they worsen it. So I wake up from pain again ! See a nice little pattern ? Normally I sleep on either side. Stomach sleeping is really out of the picture. No way this round jelly belly will make it 5 hours much less 8 being squashed like that. Heck after my fusion surgery where I was on the table for 9 hours I woke up hurting more on my chest and belly than my back at first. Tried sleeping on my back but it does not work. Usually I can fall asleep but quickly turn to one of my sides. So guess what ! Yep sleeping on my side for any length of time hurts now. Right on the ball of the hip joint. Standing does a very similar thing. If I persist in continuing to sleep on that side the pain spreads to the inside / groinal area. Both sides do this. Oh what freaking fun !!!!!!!! NOT !!!!!!! Even better at least from the pain’s point of view is that this pain is not blocked by my Spinal cord stimulator nor does my pain meds bring it down. Yippie, now my pain is like me, stubborn ! UGH ! Even better from the pain’s point of view is the fact that just standing increases the pain. So after suffering for a few weeks to make sure it wasn’t just some fleeting pain but rather something here to stay I mentioned it at my last PM appointment. Always fun to hear “Well let’s hope it is not like your spine !” from your doc. My doc has told me I have one of the worst spines he has seen. While I don’t have massive damage at any one level, I have significant damage at multiple levels throughout the spine, in all 3 sections, Lumbar, Thoracic and Cervical. Most people end up with damage in one section only. Oh goody I am blazing my own trail and not following the pack ! (Sarcasm drips into large puddle at bottom of page !) Boy I sure did win the genetic lottery NOT !
So it will be off to get some X rays of my hips to find out what is up. Then it will be time to formulate the plan to fight it, I am hoping like heck it is not Bursitis ! Had that way way back in time and the shot into the shoulder joint just about killed me. Way worse than the dang original pain. I can’t imagine getting the same type of shot in my hips. Truth is this scares me a bit. I have already lost some mobility thanks to my spine and now with my hips jumping into the mix, I am worried how much more I will lose. I like to think I am pretty independent. I still am able to work and contribute to society. I can take myself to the doctor. I can make short trips to the store and even carry in most of the groceries some days. Most of that could be gone if I lose more mobility. That scares me. Heck it would scare anyone. Taking public transportation would be a literal Hell ! Not only would any trips be greatly extended time wise but I would have to sit on those lovely, molded plastic seats that feel like a steel spike is being driven up my spine. As it is right now, getting in and out of a car is hard. I probably should have been paying attention since I have had a lot of pain in my hips from getting into and out of our car. That was probably the start of this. Then again it could be that my body just hates me. Who knows. Getting very tired of this one thing after another BS. Seems like just as I get a handle on one thing another comes in and jumps on the bandwagon. That gets old REAL FAST ! Jeez chronic pain is more than enough for 1 person to deal with, throw in 2 different cancer diagnoses in less than 4 months and then one of them coming back and now new pain is just too much at once. It is almost overwhelming. You have to wonder just what is coming next ! Will my bladder cancer make a 3rd comeback even with the chemo ? Will my knees give out ? What exactly is next ? I have no clue but I plan on fighting until the end. Maybe I am just stubborn that way !