So, you want me to be your cheerleader? Always posting a positive comment, always a complimentary statement, no matter what my opinion is? If you pressed ‘yes’ then you don’t want friendship, you want a fan. Best be wary of that. Fans are fickle and they have short attention spans. They turn on you in an instant if you are suddenly less than they built you up to be and they forget that you did it first or that you were there for them when most were not.
I want to be VERY clear, I am not talking about comparing amateur anything with professional anything. With that in mind, if you put yourself out there as a representative of your field, you don’t get to back the truck up later and claim that you’re only a beginner/hobbyist/not a professional/just that one time/ kind of representative of your field because you don’t like the deep end of the pool. So, yes, I’m talking about people who claim knowledge of a subject and place that thing out there for all the world to admire and not critique. Because, let’s face it: ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.’ is what people expect. No one expects you to be honest and say (kindly or otherwise) what you think if that thing is not completely positive. ‘If it’s not to your taste, move along.’ is the constant defense.
Except you asked.
You posted that editorial piece you did or your spouse/kid/friend did that is rife with typos and grammatical errors. You’re so proud of it, the world of your friends is screaming how awesome it is, and I feel like I am alone in thinking this would have been so much better if someone had proof read it. And, yeah, I’m guilty of that with my writing as well. I want everyone to love it because we all need that validation that what gives us pleasure and creates passion in us is important and meaningful to others. Totally natural to desire that and seek affirmation from first our friends and then our fans.
What about that horrible picture you posted, asking what everyone thought? Everyone says how awesome you look. Except you don’t. There are countless pictures of you where you DO look awesome, and I will like those, love those, compliment you on those, and encourage you to ‘Get it!’ Because those ARE awesome and this one sucks for whatever reason. Yet, I still feel guilty if I don’t like it or comment, because all your other friends have done so. Am I a bad friend for not being supportive? ‘What’s the harm in clicking ‘Like’ and moving on’ I ask myself? It’s the polite thing to do. I’m sure people do that for me all the time.
After all, it’s just being kind and supportive. Isn’t it?
I’m going to say no.
If all we ever get is positive feedback, with no constructive observations and no actual content other than ‘Get it! You rock!’ we can (and sometimes do) make the assumption that we’ve achieved success in our passion and that we can continue at this level for all time. This is where our fans get bored. This is where your actual friends step in and say, ‘Isn’t this exactly the same thing you did/said/made/wrote’ the last time? This is where your friends step up and talk to you about lighting and how this picture doesn’t show you in your best light, but those other 947 do. This is where someone takes you aside and says ‘Do you know how many typos and grammatical errors there are in this?’ If we want to grow, we need the light and the dark. If you’re stuck in the ‘I am light.’ phase because negative anything is bad, after a while, your work may lack an audience because people need more than just one dimension. The majority of the world understands that however wonderful kittens and puppies are, they do not solve all the things. Saying that you ‘Choose to be positive.’ is fantastic. Good for you, please just keep a foot in reality, because when someone is truly having a horrible day, you don’t tell them to ‘Choose to be positive.’ unless you’re the most clueless person in the room.
We are nurtured (and made stronger) by the dark in our lives. Our own metaphorical shit. Sometimes that’s a crappy (yes, pun) childhood or marriage. For some it is an addiction, an illness, a bad whatever. As we are growing up, we don’t have trigger warnings, there’s just life. When our social media (or media in general) suddenly puts up trigger warnings, we can lose some balance. Yes, sometimes we get thrown into a bad head space, but this isn’t about that. This is about everyone blowing sunshine because we all want to be supportive. Fuck, I want to be supportive. I just don’t want to be guilted into being supportive. If you ask me to be honest, I should be able to be honest without the rest of our social circle (or creation) coming down on me because I gave my truthful opinion.
My opinion about your thing is mine. It’s based on my knowledge of you, your skill set, and my personal preferences. It is not judgment. It is my ‘I think this sentence flows better this way.’ my ‘I feel the lighting is off in this.’ opinion. When people make creative, thoughtful comments, we grow. When all they do is praise us, we do not and we are saddled with mediocre. If you’re okay with mediocre, don’t be offended when other people are not.
(And for anyone who wants to tell me this piece is mediocre, I’m okay with that as long as you tell my why. Don’t just tell me that it is.)