Something’s not right with this kid.
Yesterday, at a signing ceremony for the overwhelmingly bipartisan opioid bill Donald Trump somehow claimed had passed with very little Democratic support, the actual president of the United States first slurred his words while trying to pronounce “ultra-lethal” (after marveling at the sheer marvelousness of the, let’s face it, pretty ordinary word), then wandered away like an ornery old dotard who’d just chugged one too many beer bongs full of old-timey opium cough elixir.
In fact, he may have drifted into the corner of the room and started screaming for his smack dealer had Melania not helpfully directed him toward the desk on which the bill awaited his signature.
And once again, everyone laughs … at him, not with him.
So, once again, even the easy parts of the job are totally beyond this douche-kayak. (Of course, as we all know, this isn’t the first time he’s done this sort of thing.)
I’m not saying he was actually on drugs — it’s probably some form of dementia (25th Amendment … hint, hint) — but come on. If you’re going to sign a bill intended to counteract our country’s pernicious opiate epidemic, you should at least try to look like you haven’t spent the better part of the morning in an opium den. Seriously. The optics are terrible. It’s like signing an anti-obesity measure while two-thirds of the Shoney’s breakfast menu cascades out of your mouth and onto the bill.
I look forward to the day when we have a president we can all be proud of again. And by “proud of” I mean “slightly less horrified by.”
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Yo! Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s new book, The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is now available at Amazon.
And don’t forget about Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, which you can purchase here.