The ping-pong match of crazy between Gateway Pundit and Newsmax continues as the schemers who created a fake “security agency” and tried to solicit someone to make claims of sexual assault against Special Counsel Robert Mueller has reached the big “Press Conference” stage. The Thursday event—held, as all important events are, at the Holiday Inn Rosslyn—is the first time the woman behind the claims talked up by GP writers Jacob Wohl and Jim Hoft, and fronted by Newsmax writer Jack Burkman, can break her story to the world. Except … slight problem.
Update: after Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman claimed over and over that their Mueller accuser would be there, they now say the woman won't be at the event because she's "fearful for her life."
For what are … reasons. CNN has reporter Oliver Darcy on the scene to report on this breaking event. Or broken event. And no one can say he’s not providing entertaining coverage.
Burkman’s face is noticeably covered in sweat. It’s dripping down his face.
The Gateway Pundit story didn’t just stop with a fake security firm whose phone actually goes to Jacob Wohl’s mom, it included fake court documents accusing Mueller of abducting a woman from a bar and raping her, while handily telling her his name and where he worked. But hey, you have to give them … somehow “credit” isn’t the right word. But there are Wohl and Burkman, standing on the stage in a Holiday Inn conference room, going forward with this thing.
Wohl and Burkman have provided a name of the woman they say has accused Mueller of rape. However … I’m not using the name here because, and this can’t be said enough, there is no woman at their conference. Is the woman they named real? Who knows. Is she making the statement they claim? Who knows? Does she know they’re standing on the stage just vacated by a lip-balm convention to attach her name to this story? Who knows?
And yes, I made up the part about the lip balm.
Wohl seems to be owning up to his “ownership” of the nonexistent Surefire Intelligence firm that gathered the information behind these claims. Sort of. Wohl lied to the media dozens of times over the last few days, including earlier this morning, but now says it “was important that I preserved anonymity." Which is … what’s the word? Dumb. Because it took ten seconds for the first person looking to find Wohl’s name on the website registration for the not-a-real-company.
As the two are talking, Gateway Pundit is going back and forth on whether the high standards of their Pizzagate promoting, racist hate-mongering website can really support publishing the story promoted by Wohl and written for the site by Hoft. There’s a definite air of “are there FBI agents hovering outside the door?” to this whole affair. If Burkman and Wohl leave the stage without handcuffs, they’re both going to call this a victory.
Daily Beast reporter Will Sommer got a chance to ask a question about the fact that the date when this act supposedly occurred was a date when Mueller himself had jury duty.
Sommer: Wohl is accusing Mueller of leaking the proof that he had jury duty on Aug. 2, the day in question — notably, that proof is a Washington Post story that is easily google-able.
Oh, Wohl didn’t stop with just accusing Mueller of leaking this information. He’s accusing the Washington Post of planting the story—in a 2010 edition.
After Wohl complained that people keep calling his mom—at the phone number he posted on his fake security firm’s website—Burkman rushed to his defense, calling Wohl not just a child prodigy. but "a child prodigy who eclipsed Mozart." Take that, liberals. And historians. And musicians. And … everyone.
However, an audience member immediately yelled back in response: “He can’t even open an E-Trade account.” Since Wohl’s true prodigiousness consists of being the youngest person ever to earn a lifetime ban from all forms of security trading.
Best question of the day from the audience: “Are you both prepared to go to federal prison?”
Burkman and Wohl are now disagreeing over how to spell the name of the woman who isn’t there. This thing is winding down.
The press event appears to be over. Wohl and Burkman are leaving the room and racing for their cars, still pursued by the press who are clearly enjoying this break from, what’s that thing? News.
All right. That’s it. Reporters, back to work. Gateway Pundit and Newsmax, back to the racial hatred and anti-Semitism. Jacob and Jack … back to the basement. Until, you know, your visitors arrive.
And remember, folks. Wohl is the smart one.