From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Headlines You Won’t Read Today
Mexico agrees to pay for wall
Public demands Social Security benefit cuts, increase in retirement and Medicare eligibility age
Fossil fuel industry gives a damn on Earth Day
Red wave building ahead of midterms
More Democrats than Republicans booked on Sunday morning shows
NRA successfully intimidates students
Gun owners claiming to be "100% safe" go full day without negligently shooting selves, family members or neighbors in foot, hand, groin, chest, or head
Stormy Daniels backs down
Mueller probe comes up empty
Jared Kushner brokers Middle East peace
Saddle up. Here we go again. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, April 23, 2018
Note: I don’t know what the Amish are up to, but they’ve been waaaay too quiet lately. Vigilance, people. Vigilance.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the special election in Arizona’s 8th congressional district starring Dr. Hiral Tipirneni: 1
Days 'til the Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival at the Howard County Fairgrounds: 12
Percent of Americans who now support a nationwide ban on the sale of assault weapons, according to a new ABC News/Washington Post poll: 62%
Percent of Americans who say that enacting new laws to try to prevent gun violence should be a higher priority than protecting the right to own a gun: 57%
Percent decline in opioid prescriptions in 2017: 8.9%
Portion of Republicans who think the seriousness of global warming is being exaggerated, according to Gallup: 7-in10
Percent chance that the Red Sox are off to the best start of a season in its history: 100%
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Just an early heads-up that the Christmas story is going to be a little different this year…
-
CHEERS to states in play. I’ll put the disclaimer first, which is to me like getting the peas out of the way so I can enjoy the steak ‘n potatoes: it’s too early to assume or predict anything from these U.S. Senate poll numbers---they’re just a mildly-encouraging data point, really, and we must exercise caution while stroking our chins thoughtfully and soberly. Okay, having said that, dig in…
Steak
If Democrats have any hope of retaking the Senate in 2018 while facing an unfavorable map, the Arizona Senate race is a must-win. According to a new survey, the top Democrat there has a real shot to flip retiring Sen. Jeff Flake’s seat in November: She is leading each of her potential Republican opponents in a two-way race. Rep. Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ), the presumptive Democratic candidate, tops establishment favorite Rep. Martha McSally,conservative former state Sen. Kelli Ward, and anti-immigrant Sheriff Joe Arpaio in a general election matchup, a new survey from ABC 15 in Phoenix and OH Predictive Insights found.
Potatoes
The closely watched U.S. Senate race in Texas is too close to call, with 47 percent for Republican incumbent Sen. Ted Cruz and 44 percent for U.S. Rep. Beto O'Rourke, his Democratic challenger, according to a Quinnipiac University Poll released [Wednesday].
And with any luck, in 197 days we’ll all wash it down by drinking McConnell’s milkshake.
CHEERS to following good advice. I'm not a religious person, really. Lapsed Episcopalian is the best I can do. But I remember from my Sunday school days---okay, okay, more like the Google search I did two minutes ago---that a certain Saint Matthew once said that "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." Over the weekend, a bunch of Nazis (30 is a bunch, right? Or is that a gaggle? A pod? A herd?) gathered in Georgia to give a middle finger to the American ideals of equality, diversity and domestic tranquility. So, in the spirit of Saint Matthew, I responded by giving them two.
P.S. If you missed it, this was the moment that got the biggest applause:
Somewhere inside a deep circle of Hell, Goebbels facepalms.
JEERS to getting emphysema at 35,000 feet. My mom was a smoker, and I'll never forget traveling with my parents and having to sit at the back of the plane because that was where the smokers sat so they wouldn't"bother" the non-smokers sitting in front of them. What were we thinking??! Thankfully the ban on airborne puffery went into effect 30 years ago today. So now all we have to worry about is engines blowing apart,increases in climate-change-related turbulence, dog-killing flight attendants,nose-bloodying security, Trump ranters, seat kickers and baby screamers. God bless Amtrak.
-
-
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Americablog’s John Aravosis asks: Does anyone associated with Trump not sound like they work for Tony Soprano?
No.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
-
-
CHEERS to the end of the Castro era. Yes, it’s true---well, sorta. Eighty-six-year-old Raul Castro gave up his position as el Cubano presidente late last week, but there’s a big asterisk involved: he’ll remain head of the Communist party, and thus continue wielding all the power he wants. Still, it’s a pretty big deal, especially to his successor, who might now be in the queue to become#1. Some vitals on Miguel Mario Diaz-Canel Bermudez:
» He’s a 58-year-old Taurus born in Placetas
» Nickname: “Miguelito”
» 1982 graduate of the University "Marta Abreu" of Las Villas in Santa Clara, and started teaching there in 1985
» Swallowed the commie (P’tooey!) kool-aid and transformed from a “friendly”and “curious” “Amigo” who enjoyed American music into a cookie-cutter hardliner
» Rose up the ranks of the commie (P’tooey!) party, including Minister of Higher Education and First Vice President
» Was an early advocate for LGBT rights
» Thinks Obama’s diplomatic outreach was nothing but the U.S. trying “to reach its final objective to destroy the revolution.”
» Biggest challenge: deal with unrest over the continually-stagnant economy
And, of course, he enjoys long walks on the beach with the wind blowing through his hair. It’s the law.
CHEERS to a fine sendoff. VIPs from around the world bade Barbara Bush a fond farewell during her funeral Saturday in Houston. Former presidents and kin Poppy Bush and The Decider Bush were joined by Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. (Jimmy Carter was out of the country solving world problems, and Donald Trump was---not kidding---golfing.) There was a brief moment of panic halfway through when this guy wandered in…
He was lured away when a quick-thinking usher asked if he’d like to go short-sheet the beds at a local nursing home.
CHEERS to "Ten-Cent Jimmy." Happy 227th Birthday to that old stuffed shirt James Buchanan. In practice, he was a stuck-up, hanky-sniffing, slavery-enabling disaster as president. But on paper, his resume was pretty impressive:
• United States Minister to the United Kingdom
• 17th United States Secretary of State
• United States Senator from Pennsylvania
• United States Minister to Russia
• Member of the U.S. House of Representatives (PA-04: 4 terms)
• Member of the U.S. House of Representatives (PA-03: 1 term)
• Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee
This year we got the 15th POTUS an extra special gift: an elevation in rank on the presidential ratings list, moving up to #43, just above #44 George W. Bush and #45 Donald Trump. Plus, of course, the usual "I Diddled While the Country Teetered on the Brink of Civil War and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" t-shirt.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: April 23, 2008
JEERS to ignoring the elephant in the room. Watching last night's Pennsylvania primary coverage, I was struck by how many discussions about the general election took place without taking into account the trail of despair and destruction with which George W. Bush and his enablers have paved the GOP's road to the White House. It's as if John McCain is running in some kind of vacuum. No, my friends, he is not. No matter how much barbecue he serves up to the media, he still bears the scarlet letter: R. Which stands, of course, for LOSER. If you spelled it backwards.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the Royal Birthday Gal. Queen Elizabeth II celebrated her birthday---number 92---on Saturday. As an American descended from the patriots who violently overthrew the yoke of British oppression over 240 years ago, I should be bitter and vindictive toward her and her country full of haggis-inhaling wankers who wanted to tax the knee stockings off our legs. Curs!!! But, of course, I can’t. I mean, for Benny Hill’s sake, look at that face:
I was too busy over the weekend to fly across The Pond and properly celebrate in person, so I paid some codger at Piccadilly Circus to go over and spank her 92 times. May he rest in peace.
Oh, and happy birthday, Bill Shakespeare. Nice tights. Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Trump pal Roger Stone calls Bill in Portland Maine a “vindictive drunk,” loses Cheers and Jeers speaking gig
---USA Today
-